Chapter 13

TO RENNI:  I WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU BY THE RIVER

Written By: F. John Surells

             Renni, as you know, the city in which we live (at least I hope you still consider this your home) is under great otherworldly influence and control. And we also know it’s under the domination of other earthly realities. And that certain residents of this city have been propelled into unbelievable situations and unexplainable developments cannot be questioned. Yet, I believe every action that’s ever been instigated or committed by any of the residents of this city, entered reality here for the benefit of mankind. And one would suppose that such a belief would afford me some sense of peace. Well, it does, but I also know there’s a large difference between what could be and what really is.

And, I believe I’m cognizant of how our love affair could and should be. And Renni, my thoughts are always attempting to formulate a course of action in regard to our relationship. And so often I’ve pondered the dichotomy which exists between what is, and what should be. And I’ve surmised that peace of mind isn’t necessarily facilitated or captured through any great discovery, or in any efforts to aid mankind with its plights of life. No, I believe comfort within one’s actuality of existence exists rather as a simple acceptance of any such goodness which is capable of being accepted. But it would seem one would need to possess optimism if one wished to accept goodness into one’s life. And when I’ve thought about that, I’ve recalled how many times my thoughts, outlooks, and attitudes have strayed to all that’s negative and futile. And lately, whenever negativity has grasped me, I’ve remembered the Heart of the Universe. And I’ve prayed to that Heart.

            And lately I’ve also remembered how fortunate you and I are today. We’ve come here from

different parts of this nation, but we’re both here now. And Renni, we’re living here together on the north shore of this city’s river. And it was Ralph Hawk who, acting under the auspices of his earthly reality of origin, asked us to relocate here where bizarre occurrences are commonplace. And now we have the ultimate opportunity to reconfigure our lives here in this city of otherworldly and other–reality interventions.

            But like us, apparently many other newer artists, of one type or another, are now also

becoming residents of this city. And Ralph has asked them to move their centers of artistic

operation here to the north side of this city’s river. And surely their actions will eventually change the character of this city.

            Still, I know that any actions committed by anyone here or anywhere will not diminish the

joy and expectation I now have as the result of relocating here with you Renni. And this change of

scenery, and probably of lifestyle, has reinvigorated my entire outlook toward mortal existence. But I’m especially anxious now to be able to participate in an artistic arena of competition which most

likely will develop here. At least, one would think it would. Usually some sort of healthy

competitiveness springs up amongst artistic types when they’re enjoined in any sort of grouping –

and in this case, I’m thinking that will be a basically inter-personal, or perhaps even communal

setting here on the near north shore of the river.

            But I’ve decided my personal goal or role here shall be to acknowledge the continual

struggle of real artists, true artists, and students of the highway against the so-called “status-quo.”

And in that endeavor I’ll continue the crusade or crusades Joseph Same initiated here with his

recording of “The Same Tapes.” And, while it shall be my task to both recount and reiterate the

seemingly natural clash of various groupings of mankind, that shall not be my sole purpose. I shall also, whether I wish to or not, acknowledge the continual pull of evil upon the mortal as that mortal attempts to live his or her life upon the so-called “straight and narrow.” And so fierce is the force which seeks to remove us from heaven’s roadway, that it seems we’re continually traveling upon the roads of life with a broken steering mechanism! Indeed, wickedness is ever striving to snatch us from the highway of salvation, and plunge us into the ditch of damnation.

            And today I think I understand the concepts of the eternal carousel and revolving wheel about which Joseph Same told us in his book. But I guess I’m trying to lay aside all controversies of the past. Yet, of course I can’t do that. All I can do is analyze and remember them. And some of them

were grievous actions. Others were acts of goodness. But most, as one would suspect, were but the

very commonplace occurrences undertaken by all mortals on this side of eternity. And yes, some of

my past actions were disrespectful, unfortunate, and if the truth be told, unlawful.

            But of course, all past actions, no matter who committed them, or what effect they may have

had upon humanity as a whole, can’t be changed now. And isn’t that a vicious concept? They’re

past! They can’t be changed! They’re now a part of all that’s happened. And let’s stress this:  No,

we can’t change them, whether they were actions of righteousness or evil. But we can evaluate

them. And if we wish to deceive either ourselves or others, I suppose we could attempt to “recast”

or “re-spin” their significance and relevance, or even of course, the manner in which they occurred.

            But personally, for whenever I broke or bent the rules - I’m sorry. And, although I know such is not the case, sometimes I wonder if the same source actually instigated both my proper and improper past actions. And sometimes I wonder if the evil I committed wasn’t really a coin flipped which fell with goodness on the down side, and, likewise, if whatever good I may have done wasn’t simply evil turned around, or upside down.

            And the “status-quo” says it has many members who are from the so-called proletariat. And

it says it always strives for so-called “middle class values.” Yet, who can deny that rank of status

also has within its membership many who are wealthy, and some who are extremely so? Thus,

despite what it may wish us to believe, we know that no economic group exclusively constitutes that

genre of mankind which constantly seeks non-change, and wishes life to remain as it believes it’s

always been.

            But whatever the monetary situation of any individual member of the “status-quo” may be,

you can rest assured of one thing Renni:  all members of that group despise people like you and I.

And yes, I know you know they do. But I’ve found that after so many years have passed, they (the

members of the status-quo) don’t bother me as much as they once did. Now I guess I understand

their negativity and refusal to change anything about themselves – except their clothes! And I know

now that as Joseph Same said, “They’re (the “status-quo”) walking along the roadways of life

dragging a ball and chain behind.”    

But someday, in another life, we’ll learn who really lived this one as it was to have been

lived. And we’ll fathom then if it was correct to have taken certain chances sometimes, even if

those chances may have ended in failure, wrongness, or on the brink of illegality. But I can’t believe the “status-quo” is correct in its perceptions of mankind. Still, if it is, then I imagine we’ll learn of that someday also. Yet, I contend that the “status-quo” believes that instead of attempting innovative, non-traditional, or even entrepreneurial deeds, it would be better if mortals simply stayed “at bay” so to speak, and lived that lifestyle it’s proud to announce its members practice; and that is, “following the Joneses.”

            But you know Renni, though it’s difficult for me to admit this, I fear that years ago, had we

lived as the “status-quo” wished us to, today, at this point in our lives, we’d still be in a situation

similar to the one that’s our reality of life now. Yet, to sit idly by, or walk away whenever possibilities

of change or advancement occur – that can’t be a right way to live, can it? Still, that sort of lifestyle is, I guess, the self–imposed fate of those who cherish non-change. But someday, when they’re old, will

such people look back and say “I didn’t do all I could have done. And I didn’t always ask forgiveness

for mistakes, unwise choices, and failures. And, you know, perhaps those other genres of mankind

were correct when they said the ‘status-quo’ never really even lives, it just exists.”

So Renni, in closing let me say that most of what I’ve said here has consisted of realizations

and impressions which had already entered my mind before I knew you as a real woman. And, before

I really knew you, my mind had formulated your portrait within itself. And then my mind aided my

hands in the production of that mental portrait as real art before I knew you. And real art is what

you are Renni - both in real life, and on canvas. And I love you.