Chapter 18

ROAD EXCUSIONS:  OKLAHOMA CITY

Written By:  F John Surells

            I’ve agonized about how I should begin this chapter. And it’s my opinion that anyone who wasn’t directly involved with the tragedy spoken of within it, must always be very careful of what he or she says or writes about the events that occurred in Oklahoma City on April 19,1995.

But, for some unknown reason, it seems important for me to tell you that I’ve come here via automobile. And my only guess as to why that disclosure is crucial for me is because, this way, I feel somehow more cognizant of how devastating this city’s great tragedy was. And that’s sort of stupid – probably. Yet the bombing itself was irrational – undoubtedly. However, hopefully the passage of time has granted some measure of peace and resolution to those who lost loved ones, or were themselves injured in that senseless attack.

And now that I’ve returned from the bomb site, here in my hotel room I actually feel rather ashamed that all I have to offer you are what might be termed “miscellaneous musings.” Oh, but somehow I just can’t help it, I’m so afraid of the night which will soon be upon me. And mournful, and emotionally distraught is how I perceive myself as being just now. And of course right now that perception is mine because of what I’ve just seen.

But with this journey to Oklahoma City I’ve now completed a series of rapid succession excursions to sites of terrorist attacks. And Ralph has required me to write a report concerning each of these expeditions, yet has said that only one of those reports will be used in the book. And it will appear therein, I’m told, as my second “road excursion” chapter. And Ralph has asked me to use a similar, and perhaps one could term it “basic” style when writing these terrorist reports. And he’s said that I could refer to, and/or compare the physical appearances and attributes of any of the various sites while disclosing my personal reactions toward each singular site. Still, he’s asked if I could state how, in my opinion, each of these sites now exists as a memory of one part of a conglomeration of evil.

And earlier I’d submitted a philosophical type piece which Ralph had decided should be included in this book as my first road excursion chapter. And his decision to include that chapter herein had surprised me, as I’d taken him to task somewhat within it. But then I also learned that Rashon had been complaining that I was allowed to even tender such a piece for consideration.

And hopefully you’ve read my first road excursion chapter by now. It chronicled certain thoughts and actions which had either been perceived of, or committed by me on a day when for some reason my mind seemed especially capable of processing images, observations, and memories.

            But right now I’m so concerned with the bleakness of night which I see outside the window.  And as I look upon a black void, my mind attempts to shrug off self-pity, but pitifully I fear.

            And I’ve realized that for some people life’s greatest goal must be revenge. And in my mind those mortals are a pitiful lot. Yet, sometimes I fear they’re trying to avenge occurrences and/or philosophies which they themselves don’t really understand. And other times they must surely be reacting to some sort of societal paranoia which exists both within their own perceptions and the perceptions of others. And I’m sad today for all mortals who for some reason never had the chance to live their lives to what could be considered more natural conclusions. And, earlier today as I stood where a federal building once had been, I was thinking about all the lives that have been lost to wars and acts of terror.

            But if you feel your life is at some sort of crossroads today, don’t expect what’s written in this chapter to necessarily enlighten your path. Still, no doubt the great analysts of human nature must tell themselves they’re right – most of the time. And maybe many of them attempt to bask in an assurance of their own abilities. And yes, most of them possess degrees. So, should they be able to tell us why he bombed the federal building?

            Well, be certain that the confidence many claim they have in their own capabilities and successes isn’t shared by F. John Surells. And today that fact adds to my sorrow here in Oklahoma City. But I also know that Lucifer plays a major role in all tragedies. And I guess sometimes mortals confuse his input with that which was supposedly, but wasn’t really manifested by deities or other otherworldly entities.

            And, of course once a tragedy occurs, it can’t be undone! And all that remains then is its aftermath. And in my life such aftermaths have invariably sent me to a point at which I felt 

evaluation, and then perhaps re-evaluation of my own past actions and beliefs was, if not only

appropriate, then perhaps necessary.

            And after such reflection, my perceptions usually are that although I’ve never been

especially successful at anything, at least my prayers are still answered in heaven. And I have a

pertinent prayer today for all who wish they knew the Masters of heaven better:  “God, look down in

mercy upon me for all I should know but don’t. Yet, thank you for granting me whatever knowledge

I do now possess. And help me use such knowledge to always curb any tendency I might ever feel

toward physical violence.”

            And today, looking at those empty chairs, surely you can understand how my mind darted back and forth to all sorts of possible scenarios. And most of those of course questioned why such a foul deed had occurred where I currently stood. And I couldn’t find a complete answer, but I knew this:  Those who continually carry a cross of hatred upon their back will someday surely perish with it, unfortunately, many innocents may then perish along with them.

            So, suffice it to say that the empty chairs now standing at the bomb site in Oklahoma City

overwhelmed my comprehension. But yet, when we pause to consider all aspects of all humanly

induced tragedies, maybe we should remember that for every bomber, terrorist, tyrant, murderer,

warmonger etc., there must also be countless others whose combined goodness and righteousness

of purpose no doubt negate the thoughts of evil manifested in the minds of haters of mankind; although the consequences of evil often live on for long spans of time, and often need to be opposed in courts and legislatures, and sometimes on battlefields.

            And I suppose at this juncture good writers and all mortals who wish not to rock any

proverbial boats would end this chapter. But not necessarily being either of those, I’ll plod on yet a

little longer and say that sometimes I wonder what those who advocate for life’s preciousness think

when (and if) they walk through graveyards and/or famous battlegrounds reserved in memory of

war casualties. And I likewise wonder what crosses their minds when they tour bomb sites such as

Oklahoma City. And yes, I wonder if there are just as many people out there who can speak for

life’s sanctity when it concerns those who are already born.

            But don’t misunderstand me, I honor all viewpoints. Yet, you’d better come to grips with

what befell the perpetrators of great crimes. We know what befell the victims. Did the man who

exploded the bomb in Oklahoma City receive a punishment that was just and right, or didn’t he? I say,

search your own soul for the answer. And I fear Surells has said perhaps too much already, though

of course he has his own opinions concerning these subjects. And the bomber of course was

sentenced to death, but then, so were those whose lives he ended. And you know, frankly, sometimes it really bothers me when those who apparently consider themselves to be so “humanly” or “religiously” correct, or whatever the terminology to accurately describe that phenomenon may be, so self-righteously tell me that society must always protect and provide for its mass murderers.  

            And God forbid that anyone should ever have anything but the greatest sympathy for those

who, as loved ones of murder victims, live on still. And I’m sure they’ll be, until their dying days, asking why such senseless events occur.

But remember, the two far extremes of the political spectrum are equally dangerous. Both

have perpetrated great tragedy and death upon relatively innocent populaces. And there lies perhaps the severest word of caution for anyone who may think he or she can sidestep, or remain immune from political reality. Maybe sometimes populaces are too gullible, and maybe sometimes they’re too misinformed, or uninformed. And maybe sometimes the so-called “common man” or “common woman,” in an attempt to secure order, tries to grasp hold of a messiah from either the far left

or far right wing of the political spectrum - and often with a drastic result.

            And yet, the arrogance shown by those of more moderate political viewpoints is often

overwhelming also. And those whom we might imagine to be sensibly and/or moderately liberal or conservative often possess and verbalize a dislike for each other which many times rivals for intensity the stark hatred which the two far extremes of the political landscape possess and propagandize.

            And I can remember being told that those who attempt to exist in the middle of the political

road are often run over there - and die there. And I guess having seen what I’ve just seen, I’d have to say that I question the veracity of that postulation. However, I also know for certain now that real world problems can only be solved through a mixture of conservatism and liberalism. And the ideological dissemination from either the far right or far left of the political spectrum must be rejected along with the fear and paranoia which often accompanies it.

            And, before I end this discourse, I’d like to say that when Ralph Hawk approached Rashon and I concerning this book’s formulation, he didn’t tell us then all that we’d need to do before said book would be considered finished; and actually, at that time I doubt he possessed such knowledge himself! But I’m mentioning that now because I’d like you to know that prior to my becoming a co-author of this book, I had no magnanimous desire to visit any of the places to which Rashon and I have been required to go in order to facilitate its completion.

And please don’t misconstrue that last statement! It’s not meant to be a derogatory comment upon any of the cities or areas we journeyed to. In fact, I think I can speak for Rashon when I say we most likely would have visited all those sites on our own someday anyway. Nevertheless, we never minced words when we reported about those places, or about our experiences within them, or about our impressions of them, or, perhaps most importantly of all, what we felt might be learned by having journeyed to them.

And in that vein then let me offer a few suggestions to those of us who are the “others” of those tragedies. First, beware of such types who attempt to spread dangerous political rhetoric; and
instead of taking their advice, try to find a compromise between liberal and conservative viewpoints. And instead of only acknowledging the differences between what might be termed the “sensible right” and the “sensible left,” attempt to also verbalize what good the two could do together for this nation and the world at large. Yes, learn that both of the “constructive” political philosophies have much to offer mankind. And thus, mix and blend those viewpoints. Do so, and then you’ll find how to really help humanity. And don’t be swayed by those who try to further contempt and verbal confrontations between what we might dare to call “sensible” political parties. And, most importantly, never give credence to the diatribes spread by either of the far wings (right and left) of the political spectrum. Remember that advocates of such radical tenets and viewpoints almost always sanction dictatorship and/or violence, though they may say their solutions offer great aids to mankind.