Chapter 19

                    WHETHER BELIEVED OR NOT, THESE WORDS ARE TRUE

                                                        Written By:  Ralph Hawk

            I guess I know what needs to be said in this chapter, but I guess I don’t know exactly how to say it; that is, I don’t know what to say first, and then second, etc.. So, I’ll offer you all the usual apologies and excuses right now, in advance. And gosh I’ve really got a lot of problems now! And they’re emanating from both inside and outside this book.

            But I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, or seek the sympathy of others, yet sometimes I worry that my life is becoming too complex. And although I’m so concerned about my job at the factory, my life as a sort of leader in this city, and whether I’m satisfactorily handling my responsibilities to those mortals who now look to me for leadership, I so often find myself thinking back – long ago before I came here to the Earth One reality. And it’s hard for me to imagine what life must be like now back home in Parallel Reflections – my native earthly reality. Fifty years have passed! I was a single male of twenty-eight when I came here to this special city in the Earth One reality, and I’m still a twenty-eight year old unmarried man today. And for as long as I remain here in Earth One, I’ll probably remain single and twenty-eight – unless I ever do find that special woman and ask to be removed from the non-aging stipulation of the reality crossover phenomenon. (That’s something Sharon Same has done. She was originally also from my reality of existence, but since she’s married Joe, she’s asked to be able to remain here in Earth One with him, and to also be permitted to grow old here with him).

            But whenever I do think about the concept of aging, I remember some of the people I knew in Parallel Reflections prior to my coming here to Earth One. And then I realize that if those people remained there, and lived their lives continuously there, that they’re all old now – if indeed they’re still alive!

            And thinking back to people I knew years ago inevitably leads me to reminisce about how many times over the years I’ve told myself that once again I was going to start over and begin to live  in some sort of order. And yes, for many years I’ve kept telling myself that someday I’d achieve an orderly existence, but of course nothing ever really changes as concerns my approach to life. I remain always someone who’s so easily swayed by whatever it seems needs to be done at any given moment. And, as I now attempt to document what I’ve determined are currently my most blatant problems, I’ve decided to begin by discussing what I consider to be a triviality.

            I’ve decided to employ the heading “Road Excursions” for only the four chapters which precede this one. And I know that phrase was used in the title of chapter eight, however I’ve decided that whenever this book becomes ready for publication, I’m going to drop “Road Excursions” from the name of that chapter, yet I’ll leave it there for the internet postings. Also, I had intended to use those words in the titles of Rashon’s and John’s “Returning To The City” chapters; but have decided against that now. Oh, and by the way, I’ve contacted John and Rashon and told them to come home. And I’ve told them to each write a chapter about their experiences on the road, and/or their “takes” on whether it was right or wrong for them to have left the city at this time, etc.. But I’ve not yet told them that Amber and Renni had never really disappeared, or even left the city, or that they’ll be reunited with their lovers upon their (John and Rashon’s) return here. And I’ve also not told them about the problems I and others have been having with Lauren lately; though I know they knew she’d returned home to our city prior to their leaving it on their road excursions.

            So, John and Rashon have completed all their assigned journeys. And soon both of them will return to our city. And they’ll be surprised to find Amber and Renni waiting for them in their respective apartments. But I imagine John and Rashon won’t be happy with me upon their return. And I’ll have some explaining to do, that’s a certainty! Yet, my superiors told me to send John and Rashon out on the road. And, after all, I’m really only here in this city to do the bidding of my overseers from my actual reality of origin, Parallel Reflections. And those overseers for some reason decided I should do volunteer work here in this city which, of course is located in the United States Of America, a nation which of course exists within the earthly reality known as Earth One.

            But I know that anything Rashon and John may have to say will be of far less importance to me than the problems I’m currently having with Lauren Havess. And as I told you in a previous chapter, I had sent Amber and Renni to stay with her for a while. Actually, they’d been in Lauren’s father’s house since his hospitalization began, and they’d remained there, in that home, even after Lauren had returned to our city upon her dad’s death. Yes, Amber and Renni continued to stay at the Havess’es large north side mansion mostly due to Lauren’s erratic behavior. And simply, I didn’t trust her! I didn’t want her to be in that large house by herself. And even with Amber and Renni there with her, she still managed to get involved in a bad situation with Kenny Asher – a situation which ultimately led to his death.

            And Amber and Renni called me daily during the span of time between the deaths of Lauren’s father and Kenny Asher. And they told me that Lauren was drinking and probably using cocaine, and that she’d been out every night since she’d returned home to our city. And they confided that they’d gone out with her on certain nights and afternoons, but that they’d never used drugs or alcohol with her.

            And after a few weeks passed, they told me that Lauren’s relationship with Kenny had  intensified. And they said they thought it was Kenny who’d convinced Lauren to buy the antique car with which they then began to terrorize our city’s streets. And Amber and Renni said that for about the last ten days of his life, Kenny had stayed the night with Lauren. And Amber and Renni both said that during the time Kenny stayed with Lauren he tried to avoid any type of contact with them. But they also said that both Lauren and Kenny were verbally abusive to one another during this time, yet they said they saw no physical abuse used by either one of them against the other. And Amber and Renni went on to say that Lauren and Kenny were usually high when they did get home late at night, and that they were loud, and that apparently they couldn’t get enough of each other sexually.

            So, I guess Kenny and Lauren shared about a month of wildness together before he ended up in the river. And now you people can say what you wish about what happened to the two of them – and in the case of Lauren – what’s happening still. As for me, I know that I’ve assumed a powerful stature in this city. And although thus far I may not have told you this directly, many people from both sides of the river are now bringing their problems to me. And that’s why the city council and mayor have seen fit to give me a secretary who now works in my home full time during the day – eight hours a day, five days a week – and no, she doesn’t stay overnight, and we’re not lovers.

            And I know that some of the things I’ve told you about myself and this city seem unbelievable. But remember, I was sent here by the overlords of my native reality of the earth (Parallel Reflections). And I’ve already lived in this city for over fifty years. And while I remain here, unless I ask to be released from the non – aging stipulation of reality crossover, I won’t grow any older here! I’ll only once again begin to age when I return (if I ever do) to my native reality. But the fact that my body doesn’t grow older here doesn’t protect it from pain, illness, or possible death in this reality of the earth. Yes, I could get sick and die here; or I could also die here through some sort of accident or act of violence. And thus, for those reasons, as well as for my concerns about her temperament and well-being, I’ve decided to keep an eye on Lauren as much as possible. But Amber and Renni have both had enough of her now, plus their boyfriends are returning, so I’m going to announce my new plan as regards Lauren before this chapter ends. However, before I make that announcement, I have some other things I’d better say first.  

            During the years that Lauren was gone from our city, she’d sometimes call me and tell me  what she was up to at that time, and ask how things were going back home here in the city of her birth. Those calls were infrequent, but when they occurred, I always tried to say only positive things to her. I always feared that negativity was close to claiming her.

            And on one such occasion she called and told me she’d prepared three correspondences as she termed them, and would I perhaps submit them as internet postings for her. And when I asked why she wanted that done, she said “Because in these writings I’ve supposed that I’ve returned to the city where I was born. And I’ve done that mostly, I guess, because I miss the city and a lot of the people who live in it.” And I said I’d try to post her letters as long as they weren’t derogatory in any way. And she thanked me for that. So, I did submit those postings, although they were somewhat inaccurate in that they stated that Lauren was now once again living here in our city, when actually she wasn’t.

            But now Lauren has returned home. And now she and her dilemmas have become some of the main focuses of this book. Still, when I first surmised that such a book as this one should be written to both explain and document certain phenomena which set our city apart from others, I had no intention then of including Lauren’s words within it. Given what’s happened since however, I’ve now changed my mind! And I’ve decided now that the published version of this book shall contain Lauren’s internet postings. And in the book I’ll have them appear immediately following John and Rashon’s “Returning To The City” chapters which, in turn, shall immediately follow this chapter. But I’ve also decided that for now, while we’re still speaking to one another via these posts, I shall not resubmit Lauren’s material as posts again, but shall instead tell you the titles under which it, (should you decide to read it on your own) as three separate letters, initially appeared on the internet. And those titles are:  “Words From Lauren,” “I Dreamed I Married A Soviet,” and “Final Words From Lauren.”

            And I can’t recall if I’ve already told you that John and Rashon have submitted what I consider to be “extra pieces” to me which they wish to have included in this book under the heading  “Extra Credit.” And John’s is entitled “Dog Barking In The Distance,” and was apparently written by him some time ago, and Rashon’s is “Mister Normal Died A Few Weeks Ago,” and is apparently a new piece. Nevertheless, I’ve accepted both those pieces for inclusion herein. And they’ll appear here immediately preceding a letter which Lauren Havess wrote to her dad shortly before his passing, and shortly before she returned to our city. And Amber Rolon found that letter lying about in the Havess mansion, and gave it to me saying that perhaps I’d wish to include it in the “Students Of The Highway” book, with Lauren’s permission of course.

            But now I need to say one more thing about the extra credit submissions of John and Rashon. John’s piece, “Dog Barking” has previously appeared as an internet posting, and thus will not be resubmitted now. Rashon’s piece (“Mr. Normal”) however, has never appeared in publication before, but will not be submitted by me for posting on the internet at this time. It just seems to me that if John’s extra credit piece is not posted at this time, then neither should Rashon’s be. Yet, by not posting Rashon’s piece at this time, I’ll create the scenario in which his “Mr. Normal Died A Few Weeks Ago” will become the only chapter in this book to have not previously appeared on the internet.

            But, returning now to Lauren’s letter to her dad; it shall precede a rather long piece which I had asked Joseph Same to write some time ago. And he and I had agreed at that time that that letter, or correspondence if you wish, would not necessarily be included in this book, but could be saved for any number of possible future uses. And yet, again because of the seriousness of Lauren’s problems, plus a verbal altercation which evidently occurred between Lauren and Joe and his wife Sharon (which Joe has now included in this piece, but which wasn’t part of it initially), I’ve decided to now also include Joe’s chapter herein. And his chapter shall follow Lauren’s letter to her dad.

            But now, with all that said, I think I’ll end this chapter by keeping my promise to relate my new plan regarding Lauren; very simply, I’m going to move in with her! Now before you get any ideas, and of course I can’t blame you for doing so, I want to tell you that as soon as I knew that Amber and Renni would no longer be staying with Lauren, I also knew that somebody else would have to. And frankly, the only other person I even considered for that task was Corzer, or Charles Platt as is his real name; and I discussed the matter with him. And he told me he would do it for me except for one thing – he still had hopes of rekindling his love affair with his former French girlfriend Valerie Danns. And if Valerie were to learn that he had been staying alone with Lauren Havess in the same house, probably she wouldn’t be exceptionally pleased concerning that fact.

            And, alright, it’s time now to tell you another fact which some of you may not believe, and which others of you may say is a laudable declaration of abstinence which wouldn’t have remained unviolated by you. Nevertheless, the decision has been made:  I’m moving into Lauren’s huge north side home, and I’m going to pursue a non-sexual relationship with here there. And yes, for as long as I remain there, there’ll be no sexual contact of any sort between Lauren and myself, either inside that house or anywhere else.

            But when I told those ground rules to Lauren, she wasn’t happy about them. And I must say that the retort I received from her was a fairly long tirade which contained some of the most vulgar utterances I’d ever heard spoken by a female. And I’m not going to allow foul language in this book, but suffice it to say that Lauren’s answer to my terms made ample use of a certain four letter word which begins with the letter f. And the rest of her response is perhaps best expressed in question form:  “Did I really expect her to share a house with a man if she couldn’t have sex with him?”

            Well, you know, I don’t exactly have what’s termed virgin ears. And years ago I can remember some amount of vulgarity having been spoken even then and there, back in my reality of origin. But truthfully, I’d never heard anything this bad! Still, no matter how obscene or vicious Lauren’s words to me may be, I always temper all she says with my knowledge that she’s a very troubled mortal. And, she’s smart enough to know that she has problems, but apparently won’t correct them because somehow she just can’t let go of past influences and injustices. And although she’s very wealthy, the past still has a firm grip on her. And for all her drinking, cursing, illicit sexual affairs, and possible drug abuse, she can’t let go of that past, and she can’t move beyond it. And I’m really afraid for her. I really am! And I’ve decided to have her undergo some sort of therapy. But I don’t want to even attempt to initiate that process until John and Rashon return. And my hope is that between the three of us, plus also with aid from Joe and his wife Sharon, and Corzer, Renni, Amber, or anyone else I can find to help us, we’ll be able to convince Lauren to take some positive action before it’s too late! 

            And let me tell you now, as I’ve already told Lauren, I’m not concerned about hers or anyone else’s views regarding the living arrangement which she and I shall soon commence. And frankly, I don’t have time here to worry about anyone’s ideas of societal acceptableness, or prudishness, or whatever. This situation is beyond stupid gossiping and quarrelling! And I’ve said this to Lauren, and now I’m saying it to anyone who may read this:  During my time of co-habitation with her, any attempt on the part of Lauren to seduce or even come on to me will be met with the sternest response – and that won’t be a sexual response! And yet, I just can’t get Lauren to take anything seriously! And when I told her what I’ve just said, her response was “Well how will it look if I want to bring a man home with me, and he finds out you’re living here with me?”

            And I said “Well, you’d better get your sex at his place or somewhere else then, because I’m going to expect you to come home every night. And I want you in by at least 3:00 A.M. That should give you ample time to do what you feel you need to do before you come home!”

            And then of course Lauren responded by asking if I was going to wait up for her every night etc.. And this conversation/argument went on then for quite some time; but I was emphatic, and I wanted to be sure that she understood the seriousness of what we were talking about. And maybe I should reiterate its importance for you the readers as well.

            As soon as Lauren Havess returned to our city, she immediately became its wealthiest resident. And this city’s main source of employment, upon which many of this city’s residents depend for their livelihoods, is a private possession of hers. So now you can say and think what you wish, but when many blue-collar types here see her cavorting about as she has been since she’s returned, many eyebrows are raised, and many rumors, some true, and some false, are spread. And as those rumors spread, they eat away at what once was, if it still isn’t, the very core of this city. And when I say Lauren’s factory may no longer be the actual heart of this city, there’s only one other entity it could now possibly be, and of course that’s the artistic enclave which now exits along the near north shore of the river – and that’s not exactly a money making enterprise for most of the people who live in our city.

            And again, people can say what they want, and think what they wish, but no one and no thing shall divert Ralph Hawk from the path he must follow in this city. And sure, I know a lot of people are talking about me too, as well as about Lauren. And can you imagine how much that will be exacerbated by my moving in with her? But I can’t help things like that. And I can’t allow them to bother me (much). In short, I need to keep this city “running.” And don’t think it was a coincidence that I asked the mayor and city council for a secretary as soon as I learned that Amber and Renni wouldn’t be staying with Lauren any longer. I knew I’d ask Corzer to move in there, but I also knew that no doubt he’d decline that offer, and with good reason too! I’ve never met his French girlfriend, but from what I’ve heard, he’d be a fool not to marry her. And I know that she still loves him! And I’ve gotten letters and phone calls to that effect from her. But she won’t wait for him forever.

            And I’m sorry to close out this chapter in this fashion. And maybe you yourselves are now beginning to wonder what kind of a character Ralph Hawk really is. He holds down a meager blue-collar job at the factory, while living with its owner, and being - and believe me I’m saying this without meaning to be boastful – its de facto manager. But some of those things may change eventually. Actually, they’ll have to! And pretty soon some other people are going to have to  shoulder a little bit more responsibility around this city and within that factory!

            And yes, a couple more things:  I read in one of John’s recent pieces that he and Rashon are concerned about how powerful I’m becoming in this city! Well, if they’re really concerned, why don’t they help me out a little bit more than they do? And no, I’m not especially enamored of all the supposed power I have. Apparently everybody in this city wants to get up in the morning, go to work, and then have a safe home life during his or her non-working hours. Nobody wants to talk about, or hear about the problems currently facing this city or its main place of employment. No, if there are any troubles, old Ralph Hawk can take care of those things! He’s good enough for that! But when it comes to gossiping and/or talking smart, we’ve got a lot of great performers fulfilling those roles around here! And yes, I don’t get angry often, but as you can now see, I do once in a while. And I also don’t use foul language in my writings or in my personal life, but by God if people want to say or think that I’m having sex with Lauren Havess, then this being a free country, they have the right to say and think falsehoods!

            Oh, and one more thing – Lauren had better be careful! I’ve tried and tried to tell her about the dangerous ground she’s treading on, but I guess I may as well have told a wall those words instead. Since she’s returned here she’s already been indirectly involved in one death, and if I were to tell you some of the things Renni and Amber told me that she’d done there in the house while they were there with her, or some of the things she told them that she’d done while away from this city, it might make you sick. But we’ll forego those things now. Yet, one thing that of course can be said of every mortal, no matter what he or she may have done, is that if he or she is still alive, then he or she can still change his or her ways. And Lauren had better change her ways - trust me. And if she doesn’t, I shudder to think what may happen to her, and perhaps to others because of her.