Chapter 33

                                   LAUREN’S DECISION

Written By: Lauren Havess

            Years ago, when I was a child, I grew up in a Christian fashion. And dad and mom (until she left us) and I used to attend church regularly. And after mom left, dad and I continued to be active followers of Christ. Thus, as a child, and later as a young woman, I never even gave a thought to how easily one can stray from the so-called straight and narrow, no matter what one’s stance concerning religion may be. But I found out that the temptations of sin (or if you prefer to simply call it “wild living”), can be overwhelming. And that’s why today I know I have no one but myself to blame for the trouble I currently find myself in.

            Nonetheless, if someone or something will give me a second chance, I really believe I’ll “get it right” the second time around. And that’s why I’ve decided to leave the earthly reality of Earth One. Of course this isn’t an easy decision. I’ll be leaving a lot of wealth behind me here for others to more or less confiscate. Yet I don’t want to spend at least ten years in prison in this reality, and especially not at this time in my life, when if I were to do so I’d probably then never become a mother here, at least not through natural childbirth. And perhaps I’d also not ever become a wife here. And, most likely, though I’d still have my money, career-wise my life here probably would never amount to much of anything either; and yes, I think I’m looking at those probable outcomes through the eyes of realism and not self-pity. And thus, given what I fear my future here would be, the decision to leave from here and start again elsewhere seems an easy one to make.

            But if becoming a wife and mother, and possibly having some sort of career were really her goals in life, why did she live as she did you may ask? And of course the answer to that question is that when one becomes addicted to illegal drugs and/or alcohol, but what’s probably even worse than that, to a sort of wild, counter-culture lifestyle in which one’s quest to satisfy one’s desire for pleasure becomes the central focus of one’s existence, then what truly may have been important to one becomes secondary in one’s ever continual struggle for daily gratification.

            But it’s because I understand the life-altering realness of what I just said in the last sentence, that I’m optimistic about my chances to redefine myself in another earthly reality. And yes, I think I’ll be successful in changing my ways. And, from this day onward, I promise to pursue only what I perceive as being helpful and righteous goals and actions.

            And I don’t know if it’s necessary or appropriate for me to once more verbalize the problems I’ve known over the years. Yet, if nothing else, maybe doing so will help others avoid mistakes similar to those I made.

            When I was fourteen and entered high school, I discovered I had an enormous liking for one certain male student in our school. But I can’t tell you his real name. And I guess it will forever remain undisclosed. Still, the story of my teenaged crush is somewhat told in the book “The Same Tapes.” And I was in love with the central character of that book. Yes, I was in love with Joseph Same, as he’s apparently now come to be known.

            However, Joe was of course a child of our city’s poor south side. His parents were virtually penniless, while mine were immensely wealthy. And of course my father owned the factory wherein Joe’s father was employed. And I found those realities of fact to be setbacks in my attempt to secure Joe for at least a teenaged sweetheart, and who knew, perhaps even a husband someday.

            But what I didn’t know then was that our economically divided city was also apparently some sort of hub of otherworldly goings-on. Indeed, we had a gentleman named Ralph Hawk living in our midst here who was also, as Joe’s father, employed at my dad’s factory, but whose real goal or role in life evidently was the facilitation of all those otherworldly occurrences to which I just alluded, and also apparently the relocation to our city of various “artistically minded” and “creatively capable” individuals whom he actively recruited from across the United States, other foreign nations, and even parallel earthly realities, one of which he himself apparently had emigrated here from. 

            And so my relationships with Joe, my parents, and all the other people I came into contact with in this city all actually became skewed, misaligned, or darkened somehow as a result of this city’s strangeness. Well, that’s my opinion at least. But I will admit I could have done more to negate the effects of the particular set of oddities I was surrounded with as a young girl and young adult. Yet I was always arrogant. And I was, I guess, the proverbial spoiled kid. I had to grow up contending with the hand I’d been dealt in life, as does everyone, no matter the economic, social, political and religious backgrounds of their parents. But I didn’t deal well with my lot in life as it was then.

And I’m thinking now that at that time my conduct toward Joe was most likely one of perhaps three or four significant factors which led to his experiencing an existence which probably was not good for him to experience then. And thus, I know now that at that time I was very selfish. But I was determined to extricate Joe from his south side surroundings and upbringing, and expose him to life as it was lived by those of us with money – those of us who lived on our city’s north side.

But, Joe and I weren’t destined to be lovers. And our relationship wavered back and forth for some time then after we graduated from high school. And eventually he joined the army, and I was asked to leave home by my father. He couldn’t stand my conduct any longer.

            And of course I lived a life of wildness after I left home. And I stayed away from home for quite a while then. But recently I returned due to my father’s passing. Yet, since I’ve returned, I’ve continued to pursue my troublesome conduct here in this city of my birth.

            And if I’ve been somewhat redundant in this chapter (which Ralph has told me will be this book’s last), I’m sorry. I guess I just felt the need to say it all once more. And I’m sorry also for the way I’ve lived now for thirty-five years. But, as you’ve heard, I’ll have a great chance to meet Mr. Right when I establish residence in a different reality of the earth. Yes, I’ll stop aging there! Yet, I am afraid of facing life there without the financial backing I’ve always had here. But then again, I’ve been told that money, while it does exist where I’m going, has a different “role” in society there. So I guess I’ll have to learn what role money plays in the reality I’m relocating to. But I’m still excited about finding a career there, and, maybe a man to live with or marry there, as Sharon Same did here; and perhaps, if I’m successful in those pursuits, as Sharon was here, then, like her, I’ll also eventually ask that my aging process would be allowed to start again. But that’s all in the future. Still, at least I know now I’ll be spending that future as a free woman, rather than a prisoner.

            And, as I’m preparing now to leave this reality of the earth, I’m realizing that I’ll be leaving a number of personal “loose ends” behind me here. And I suppose just now I’m experiencing a phenomenon which I’d guess many mortals experience when they know the ends of their lives are quickly approaching. And I’m surmising that it’s difficult to realize that one will soon be more or less “signing off,” and leaving many issues unresolved within the reality of life one knew as a mortal. And, in closing, I’d like to mention just the few of those issues. These are the ones I consider to be the most significant.

            I guess the one thing that’s always irked me the most about the Earth One reality is the large amount of jealousy that’s contained within it. And as far as I’m concerned, it’s that jealousy which leads to almost all of the evil actions which are ever committed within Earth One. Oh, I realize that many times mortals here try to disguise their jealousy and greed behind other “reasons” or “rationales.” And currently, once again as in many other instances in the human history of Earth One, religion is being used by certain thugs and troublemakers to justify their vicious actions. But there have also been many other excuses offered for belligerent and warlike activity in this reality across the centuries of the existence of the humans who now inhabit it.

            Thus, I’ll be leaving soon knowing that I’ll no longer be part of a humanity which, while it does quite a lot to help all its members, also simultaneously promulgates a stigma whereby most of those members spend a fair amount of their time worrying that someone else may possess more than they do, or live better than they do, or have more fun than they do. And I know that in this respect it will be different wherever I end up going. Ralph has told me that Earth One is the only reality of earth which features massive jealously, hatred, and war.

            And I can’t help but think back today about some of the things my dad used to say about the hunger and starvation which is present in the Earth One reality. I don’t know if he felt guilty about always having enough to eat while others didn’t. And if he did, he shouldn’t have – in my opinion. I know he used to talk about all the food that’s wasted here in this reality, i.e. all the “stuff” that’s left on people’s plates when they finish eating, and all the “stuff” that’s thrown out by stores and restaurants because it can no longer be sold or consumed.

            And I remember dad used to say that if only that unwanted food could get to the hungry, life could be so much better here in Earth One. Yet, after having said that, he’d usually then rethink that stance and say that such a distribution of food in this reality would most likely be impossible to conduct due to all the new laws, agencies, and bureaucracies which, in this day and age, it’s possible implementation would unfortunately necessitate.

But now I’m thinking I’ve said all I need to say here. So, I’ll leave by saying I wish all of you well, that is, I hope you’ll be as well as you can be given your birthright in Earth One. And I’d like to thank John, Rashon, Amber, Renni, Corzer, and of course Ralph for formulating this book out of internet postings. And this current sentence, and the one to follow it will be the only two from these postings which will not appear in the book format of “The Students of The Highway.” Ralph wants me to tell you that from now on his friend R.F. Husnik will only be submitting material to the internet on a bi-monthly basis.

And all of those whom I named in the previous paragraph wish you well – as I of course do also. And all of us are appreciative that you set aside a small part of your life to learn about that genre of mankind known as the students of the highway.

                                                                                                                        THE END