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Here is a sneak peek of my upcoming book:
Chapter 1
The night air was sweet; the trees were blowing slightly calling for rain. A dark figure was balanced on top of a thin ledge of the roof of an old church; looking down at the few people walking down the street five hours before sun rise. It has been three years since he left Leena to her own will. Now it's time to see what she is made of. For centuries he has dodged the question in her head about his involvement with Vulgar, his so called father and Jason, his supposed to be brother. He will tell her but, first some fun; Without Leena knowing he had looked after her waiting for the chance she might have needed him. An hour and thirty minutes had past and finally someone walked slowly towards the church. A beautiful woman not as tall as his princess but, her long blonde hair flowed in ringlets; she was wearing a light brown business suit and white pumps. If this was going to be a successful hunt she can't sense any danger. The vampire jumps just a half of a block behind the woman; with precaution he slowly walks up and bumps her. As she stops moving all her stuff falls to the sidewalk.
"Oh, sorry about that.” a voice in the darkness said calmly.
“That’s alright." the woman replies looking all around her.
For a moment she realizes no one's there but, she knew she had heard a voice. Almost panicking now she grabs her papers and not yet at a run she continues to walk down the sidewalk. Before she could reach the corner the woman comes across an alley way. Soon enough a hand grabs her covering her mouth and pulls her into the shadows. Hunger builds up inside the vampire and dawn was now only two and a half hours away.
The scent of her blood warmed the beast in him; all he could think of was reaping her throat out and rapping her. Well, maybe not in that order before, he sent her to a long externals rest he asked for her name.
Shaking the woman looked at him then said, “Sarah........Sarah Jordan."
How he could remember his victim’s names and faces even amazed him. The vampire's eyes turned red and he smiled at Sarah with his fangs showing. After her heart slowed down he released her body finally the vampire returned to his tomb just below the basement of the church.
As morning came Leena got out of bed and headed down stairs. When she got down stairs the television was on. Her boss was also down stairs holding the remote. Turning the volume up when he saw her. Leena looked at her boss puzzled till he told her to sit on the sofa. After Leena sat on the sofa, the news was starting.
“Hello and Good morning, this is Sun Shine News I am Kristy Lee." said a young tall brown headed woman in a red blouse and black pants.
“And I am Ron Lee." replied an old man about forty-six, blonde almost gray short hair wearing a blue long sleeves shirt and white suit.
Crystal said," There has been a strange event that has police questioning what is out there. A body has been found a young woman murdered in an unusual way. Police are not answering any questions nor has any leads. The very name and occupation of the victim is withheld from us at this time."
Ron picks up and said," Now for today's weather, Tom."
Leena looked worried she couldn't put her finger on who had killed that young woman. So Leena and her boss checked out the crime scene. Everyone had already left Leena wanted to scope out the area to solve this case. Night fall was almost here Leena looked up at the sky as the sun set.
Act natural that was all the vampire had to do to keep Leena from knowing that it was him. He walks up behind her only to find a 44mm double barrel magnum in between his eyes. The vampire's once dark blue eyes became lighter, softer blue almost hazel. He even changed his appearance; his long blonde wave like hair was now light brown almost straight; even though it was still long; he kept it up tied towards his back. The clothes he wore were now a black muscle shirt, black jeans, black steel toed boots, and a black trench coat. Leena wouldn't know if he was a vampire or not.
“Who are you?" Leena asked slowly pulling the chamber back.
“Eric Ma’am.” the vampire lied.
“Well, Eric what are you doing here?” Detective Jones just had to ask.
“I heard a scream.” the vampire kept lying.
Leena's thoughts were a complete blur. There was nothing left at the crime scene to say what was going on.
Over three blocks down from where the police found that poor woman .A small town young man named Daniel was getting ready for school. See Daniel went to Harvard Medical; he has dreams to become a doctor. Dressed in a business suit, Daniel walks down the stairs of his dorm room .On the way down he runs into another teacher Mrs. B**** as his friends love to call her. But, her real name was Elizabeth Downs, she taught college students like she was a military general. With Mrs. Downs polished black pumps, straight forward executive suit and narrow glasses at least she looked the part. Out of all the students in the school Mrs. Downs hated Daniel the most, the feeling was mutual.
It was the perfect plan, all it took was a little nudge and then she would be gone. Come on he knew he has thought about it, he just don't have the nerve. Siting in class Daniel shakes the imagines from his thoughts. He knew something just had to change. Class ended early for some reason and Daniel hurried out the door and down the hallway. By the time Daniel reaches the end if the hallway he stumbles out the close by exit and outside to the dark parking lot.
“What the hell am I doing out here? “Daniel asked himself.
“For the perfect solution.” a voice said in the night.
“Perfect solution for what?” Daniel yelled nervously.
“You know!” the voice replied.
For a few minutes Daniel was still shaking. Maybe he was going crazy but, he just had to calm down.
Leena walked the length of the alleyway wondering if the vampire had come back .She was so angry about tonight that she never noticed that the young man had vanished. Meanwhile the vampire needed his rest; he had wasted his mental powers on that dumb college student and the night was about over. Detective Jones decided to give Leena the night off; there was nothing anyone could do, and it was unbearable not having a good case for Leena to work her fustian out on.
"Good morning, Hell city, this is Sun Shine News.” Crystal said.
“It’s a beautiful day!" Ron replied.
“The weather is great and will stay that way all week.” Crystal murmured.
“Now here is a commercial!” Ron added.
“Are you alone? Do you just need a break? Well, How about killing someone? Come on its easy or is it?" the voice of a man said.
After the commercial ended with a pack of cigarettes, Daniel thought what a f****** joke, selling cigarettes with a want to kill video. Someone should report on the bull s*** companies put on television. It was about noon when Daniel turned the television off and walked out his dorm room. By night fall Daniel was completely lost. Tonight wasn't great, it was raining, breezy and the streets had fog coming up from them. No one was out Daniel had his chance to get even but, with who? Wondering lost Daniel walks into an alley way behind the college.
“You’re late!” said a voice in the shadows.
“Late for what?" Daniel said.
“You know.” the voice answered walking up behind Daniel.
“What do you want? Who are you?” Daniel screamed.
“Don’t worry about all that just do what you want, what you really want!” the voice answered then vanished.
Mean-while, Mrs. Downs' was walking in her classroom preparing to go home. After she was ready Mrs. Downs opened up her classroom door and proceeded down the long hallway till she reached the stair case of the second floor. Mrs. Downs walks down the second floor stairs to the stair case plate form. As she continued walking to the first floor stair case, a shadow followed. By the time Mrs. Downs walks down the first floor stair case she realized someone was following her. The footsteps mimic her every move. A few minutes later a scream echoed down through the first floor. Then a loud bang followed the blooded body as it hits the floor.
The next morning Leena wakes up to the sounds of her television turned to the news. As she gets up her boss Detective Jones was sitting on the sofa staring at the news report. So Leena gets dressed and heads down stairs to the living room. When Leena reached the sofa she grabs the remote and turns the television volume up.
“This is a breaking report a young woman is missing." an old voice said though the picture of a question mark.
Detective Jones looks up at Leena and the both of them gets ready to leave her mansion. As Detective Jones opened Leena's front door, he waits on Leena to grab her keys. After they reached Detective Jones' car they entered the car and took off to the crime scene.
The college was quiet, and blocked for about three blocks around the building. The woman's body was lying on her back; her eyes were opened and blood shot. The entry wound was small and almost clean; there was no residue around the h***. But, by the way the back of her head was blown away; half of her brains covered the stairs and glass doors where she tried to leave from. All of her blood covered the floor; the mess would take weeks just to clean up a third of it off the floor. The scene was unbearable for Leena to stick around so she made her way back outside. Two blocks from where Leena was Kevin sat on his usual spot on the ledge of the roof on top of the church. Kevin had been there ever since the woman's blood left her body. The scent was making him hungry but, there were too many witnesses to hunt in the nearby crowd. So Kevin changed into the young man Leena ran into before and jumped off the church to the street.
As Kevin walks up behind Leena, he said," Hello, Detective Leena."
Leena slowly turned around and said, “HI, sorry about the other night, by the way what was your name? “To the young man that was standing behind her.
"Don't worry about it, my name is Eric. “Kevin smiled showing just a little bit of fang.
"Well, Eric maybe we could go get some coffee or something. “Leena replied.
"That would be nice. “Eric said then walked towards the crime scene.
Detective Jones looked at Leena; he was trying to figure this Eric person out. It wasn't strange to Leena that Detective Jones would treat her like his own daughter. No something was bothering him, and without any word Detective Jones walked up next to Eric.
"Eric is it? “Detective Jones asked.
"Yes, it is why? “Kevin answered looking deep into Detective Jones' eyes.
"As you know this is a crime scene and if you are an eye witness or know anything tell me or get out. “Detective Jones said with his eyes still locked with Kevin's.
Before Kevin could do his disappearing act and scare Detective Jones Leena walked up beside him; Kevin could smell Leena's sweet perfume and feel her blood race through her veins. The very thought of Leena's blood made Kevin hungry. But, there were too many people here and Kevin wanted more than just Leena's blood.
Daniel found himself asleep between two trash cans in the middle of the local park. It was dark out still and the wind blow lightly every once in a while. As Daniel picks himself off the moist ground; he tried to recall last night’s events but, all that did was make Daniel's head throb and ache. So he decided to leave the park after he made it to his feet. Daniel brushed the grass from his shirt and pants. Then he walked down the sidewalk by the northeastern fence of the park; without realizing that his dorm was on the other side. Thoughts came across Daniel's mind, why would he be heading for the old abandoned Catholic Church for? As Daniel headed for the northeast exit he saw police cars coming from the opposite direction five blocks down from where his college was. Daniel knew he had to find out what had happened. Poor Daniel, he had no control over his body as he pulled himself across the street. There was only a half a block to go till he reached the church.
The crowd of people had died out and more than half of the police officers were gone. Leena was off searching for clues on the harsh murder of the young woman. Detective Jones had also left and retired to his office to straighten all the mess out on the case. As for Kevin, his eyes were now red and he headed for the church.
Chapter 2
When Daniel reached the church the two doors; opened he all of a sudden felt a cold chill that forced him inside. Daniel hit the floor, and trembled as he tried to return to his feet. By the time Daniel manage red to stand both doors slammed shut.
The voice asked, “What the hell was that?"
Stuttering Daniel answered," What..........the..........hell..........was............what?"
“Don’t play games with me, you were supposed to impress me; you pathetic worm.” Kevin wasn't happy as he talked to Daniel revealing his demonic side.
It was still dark Daniel looked around trying to find out what was in the room with him. As Kevin starts to walk to Daniel the air in the church thickens, and Daniel finds the low lack of oxygen was affecting his heart, but Kevin wasn't going to let up so easy.
“I wanted something more from you." Kevin hissed through his fangs.
“What do you mean you want more; more of what?" Daniel asked still shaking.
A few minutes later Daniel heard a slight thud, so he looked down; at his feet was a light brown envelope. On the small envelope were the words: Impress me written in red ink or so Daniel thought. When he picked the package up small drops of blood hit his forehead and then his hand. Daniel cautiously looks up; as he looks up there was a body nailed to the church ceiling in the shape of a cross. He saw a white man with nails in each of his wrists and one in his feet. The nails looked like railroad spikes which was tearing open the man's flesh. As his flesh rips open the dying man's veins pours out the wound; the ligaments and tendon’s followed and his nerves rubbed up against the nails making the man's body shake uncontrollably. Daniel started to scream but before the sound got louder Kevin had his right hand around his mouth.
“Shut up Daniel!" Kevin hissed.
All Daniel did was close his mouth.
“I am going to take my hand off your mouth and you are going to stay quite yes?" Kevin asked letting his nails grow long enough for Daniel to feel.
Drops of blood fell on Kevin's fingers; the untamed animal almost forgot to feed. Quickly he lets Daniel go as Daniel leaves the church the vampire moves up back behind him.
“Look inside the envelope there is a photo of a man; use him to impress me." Kevin said as the hunger builds.
“What did this man do to deserve to die?" Daniel asked nervously.
“Does it matter?" Kevin replied.
“No, I just wanted to know how to impress you." Daniel answered trying to redeem himself.
Silence swept the church as the doors slowly opened; Daniel saw no sign of the man he was forced to deal with. So Daniel headed back down the sidewalk and towards the city park. This hunt was cutting it way too close for the sun to rise, and feeding where he slept was out of the question. Down below the tall statue of the priest that founded the church was a young male, about twenty-six, short black hair combed back slightly; the young man was wearing all black from head to toe. Kevin stared smiling; it was ashamed that the Goths made such easy prey. Before the male moved the vampire had already sank his teeth into the main artery of the young man's throat.
Leena looks down at the case file; opens it up and reads:
Elizabeth Downs, age thirty-five; lives on eighteenth South Street; five blocks away from the college; Her photo showed a middle aged woman with black hair, gray eyes, and very attractive. is Caucasian she weighs about a hundred and twenty pounds and is an average five five or five foot four in height. Besides of the contusions of her finger nails there are no sign of a struggle. From the size of the bullet h***; it had shattered her skull in eight different places besides removing the back of her skull off completely. Also from the looks of the finger prints in the splattered blood leaves me to the conclusion that her attacker was a sick but, cautious individual.
Leena's thought's raced back to her ex-lover the vampire but, shooting someone wasn't his style. As Leena finds a list of all the students that had Mrs. Downs as a teacher she heard a knock at the door.
“Who is it?" Leena asked after she stops pacing.
“Your boss!" Detective Jones replies smiling behind the door hopping that vampire's don't have x-ray vision.
Leena walks over to the door and in one swift motion had opened the door pull her boss inside and closed the door back before Jones could blink. Detective Jones walks over to the sofa and sits down; his face in shock as Leena turns and faces him. After a while Detective Jones calms down but, Leena wasn't in any mood for panic.
" James Denver age twenty-two lives in dorm B in room thirteen; Andre Coach age twenty-one lives in dorm B in room fifty-seven; Michael Joseph age twenty-three lives in dorm B in room twenty-six; Daniel (there was a question mark that took the place of this young man's last name) age twenty lives in dorm B in room thirty-one.” Leena paused.
Detective Jones sits back and asks" Why did you stop?"
“Daniel, his last name isn't on here; what is his last name?" Leena was puzzled.
“The police ran down all the names and Daniel was all that was written in the school records." Detective Jones said looking down.
“Did they have any leads?"
“No, all they have is one dead woman."
“S***, this is going to take a while."
A couple hours later the news station broadcast even more bad news.
“Hello everyone the police has decided to close the case of Elizabeth Downs due to the fact no one knows who the killer is."
“Son of a b****!" Leena yelled her eyes turned red.
Detective Jones jumped off the sofa and slowly walked to the television. As he turned it off Leena's eyes went back to normal. It has been three years since she had done that. The question stared with in her; could her hunger for blood return?
Night had returned and Kevin was wide awake. He had wanted to see Leena again; only is she could be by herself. The whole Eric thing was fun but, how long would it take before she would want him?
Leena felt an old feeling she had long forgotten; she let Detective Jones out the door then closed it before heading up stairs. Since the case was closed maybe she could walk around town for a while. Leena took off her t-shirt and jeans as she looked through her closet; after she had found what she was looking for Leena walked out of the mansion wearing a short black tight dress.
Down Main Avenue the whole street was quite considering there where bars on either side. Kevin had walked about half way down the street till he noticed Leena. Quickly Kevin turned into Eric, and approached her; all Leena could feel was the people in the bars blood racing through their veins. She never saw Eric walking towards her; until they ran right into each other.
“Sorry Detective Leena." Eric said.
“What?" Leena asked as she rubbed her tongue across her fangs.
“I said sorry for bumping you." Eric answered.
Slowly Leena walks up real close to Eric, smelling the side of his throat; it has been a long time since Leena felt this aroused. Kevin's eyes slowly turn red; he could feel her hunger. Quickly he shakes the vampire back to the mortal he created but, in a split second Leena had thrown Eric up against the wall. Kevin didn't know he had this much of an effect on her; shortly Eric's shirt was ripped opened and his pants were unfastened. Leena had dugged her finger nails into the brick building.
Then she started bouncing up and down on Eric's shaft; soon enough Kevin couldn't hold Eric's identity as Leena inserted her fangs into his neck. Kevin's fangs started to grow as he could feel his blood run through his veins into Leena's mouth. After Leena filled her mouth with Kevin's blood; Detective Jones saw Kevin's fangs. When Detective Jones made his way to Leena; Kevin vanished. Just before Leena hit the ground Detective Jones barely caught her. Carefully, he laid her on the sidewalk; soon enough Leena was back to her mortal self.
“What ...................What happen?" Leena asked as she realized how far away she was from the house.
“You don't remember anything; do you?" Detective Jones answered puzzled.
“No, not really all I remember is going for a walk; since my stomach has been hurting." Leena answered looking worried that her vampire instincts had returned.
“I need to talk to you about Eric and when was the last time since you have seen Kevin?" Detective Jones quickly changed the subject off Leena being a vampire.
“Kevin? Three years why? As for Eric; I know as much as you." Leena wasn't very happy to explain herself.
Picking up on Leena's eyes Detective Jones stopped asking questions then he walked Leena back to the mansion to discuss the recent murder. After walking into the mansion and in the living room both Leena and Detective Jones sat down on the sofa; Slowly Detective Jones lays the closed file in a yellow folder on the coffee table.
“I thought that case was closed." Leena said softly.
“It is closed but, I don't feel right with that; do you?” Detective Jones asked as he looked over at Leena with a blank stare.
“No, not really, so what should we do?" Leena answered the question with a question as her hunger finally disappeared.
“I am not sure there were only one murder and no witnesses." Detective Jones answered angry.
Soon enough he started pacing Leena's living room floor.
It was seven o'clock at night and an old man was walking down the street twelve blocks from the police station. Suddenly the man fines himself slammed up against a brick wall. Something forces the old man's left hand to the wall then slowly a railroad spike is driven into the wall. It was a good thing no one took notice due to the old man's harsh screaming. As the old man continued screaming; his other hand was forced up against the brick wall and into the wall. As the blood poured out of the old man's wrists and drips on the side walk, the vampire looks out in the shadows savoring the smell of the old man's blood. Mean-while the old man tries to find the strength to move, and then he fells a sharp pain in both of his feet. The spike drives itself deeper and deeper in the old man's feet. Soon the screams stopped; until the man feels a small cut by his left her car. Blood dripped from the small cut, Kevin still of in the shadows tries to fight back his hunger. Still the screaming continue; louder and louder as his skin was slowly being peeled from his body. By the time Kevin scented the sun the old man's body was showing muscle, tendons and veins that weren’t pierce.
A police officer was driving around making his usual routine route. As he rode past the abandoned Pharmacy he noticed something strange on the brick building. So he stops the car and gets out then walks up to the building for a closer look. When he realizes that there is a body hanging on the brick wall he radios for help.
“Operator can you hear me, over?” the officer asked.
“Yes, officer Lawyer I can hear you, copy.” the operator answered.
“ I am at the abandoned Pharmacy and I noticed that there is a body hanging on the brick wall of this building.” officer Lawyer replied.
“ Copy that officer Lawyer, I am calling in you some back up.” Operator finally said before hang up.
“It is already morning, when are you going to stop pacing Peter?" Leena asked smiling.
“Oh, sorry Leena." Detective Jones replied.
“This is an important announcement, Police has found a great disturbance; details are not yet report to us at this time." a voice interrupted.
“What was that about?" asked Detective Jones sad worried.
“Maybe we should go check it out."
"Right."
Detective Jones walked over to the door and opened it up for Leena then both of them rushed to the car. After they got into the car Detective Jones radios the operator.
“This is Detective Jones, over."
“Detective Jones what's up copy?"
“Where are the police? Over."
“On, Devil's drive, copy."
As Detective Jones was getting directions and information; Leena was trying to figure out what was going on. There were lights flashing everywhere as the car pulled in front of a large crowd. Caution was on Leena's mind when Detective Jones said grinning.
“I guess Eric had other plains." Leena said not looking at her boss.
“How did you know I was talking about Eric?" Detective Jones asked.
“Because you are acting like an a******."
Finally Leena parted the crowd and walked toward the figure on the brick building. The wind slightly blew across Leena making her eyes shimmer red. Leena slowly turns around there was Eric watching her but; it wasn't human blood she could smell. Quickly Leena faces back to the crime scene. She knows something softly her fangs lengthen it wasn't hunger but, lust.
“What is wrong Leena?"
She didn't answer; this was getting under Detective Jones' skin.
“Leena, are you alright?"
Still there was silence.
“Kevin is here isn't he?" Detective Jones asked knowing it would get her attention in an angry way but, why not?
“No, Eric is here." Leena answered.
Okay, so she saw Eric but, what she felt wasn't human. Kevin was close by; she just doesn't know how close.
“Oh, pretty boy is here." Detective Jones replied to lighten the mood.
“Shut up." Leena shouted.
“Why, you like him don't you?"
“Can we finish looking at the figure on the wall?"
"So is it um...?"
"What human?"
“Yes."
“Now who's the vampire?" Leena's eyes were normal but, her fangs showed their points.
“Very funny Leena." Detective Jones said trying to laugh at the statement.
As they both walked closer to the brick wall Leena closed her eyes and turned her head. Detective Jones knew the blood and rotting flesh was getting to her.
“Do you want me to search the body?" Detective Jones asked as he placed his arm around her.
“No, I am finding." Leena answered.
It has been three years and she became the most respected detective in the field. What the hell is going on here? The feeling Leena had inside was returning.
“Detective Leena." a young police officer said.
“What is it Chris?" Leena asked; pulling herself together.
“Here is the file on what was found on the victim." Chris replied.
“So it was human, you are rubbing off on me." Detective Jones said with warm eyes.
Leena smile, “Yes, I guess I am."
Leena walks over to the brick building.
“Oh, my god this person has be crucified to this wall and the skinned."
“Maybe we should go back to your place Leena." Detective Jones whispered.
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Hi Latricia,
This is a well written story, however, I have a couple of comments in regards to your dialogue, sentrence structure, and the flow of your story.
When you are stating what someone said, replied too....etc... There should be a comma after the dialogue, not a period. Not unless it follows a question mark.
EX: “Very funny Leena." Detective Jones said trying to laugh at the statement.
Should be:“Very funny Leena," Detective Jones said, trying to laugh at the statement.
“I guess Eric had other plains."( should be plans."
The comma goes after the word, but, not before it.
Try to use more transitional words: however, in addition, subsequently, nevertheless... Try to stay from using the word but, or and then, if you could help it.
Your past tense dialogue is merging into your present tense.
Your have several type o's, other than that, this is a fine piece of literature
If you need a second pair of eyes, fell free to inbox me.
I hope my comments are used to assist you, and never to hinder your creativity.
Love and Hugs,
Kemy
Hi Latricia,
A nicely written piece, I only have one issue if you can call it that, and I am by no means an expert on the genre but would a vampire live below a church? As I say not my genre so if I'm wrong I apologise. Just an observation.
Very good prose though.
Stuart.
Hi Latricia,
A nicely written piece, I only have one issue if you can call it that, and I am by no means an expert on the genre but would a vampire live below a church? As I say not my genre so if I'm wrong I apologise. Just an observation.
Very good prose though.
Stuart.
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