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Short Draft Intro to Memoir

Hi all

Would love some feedback on a small draft intro to my memoir. Very new to this so am sure there will be a lot to comment on!

Thanks:

I have always been scared of the dark. One of my first memories was of me in my little box room with the woodchip walls in my soft lumpy bed, telling myself there were no monsters. I remember not being able to hold the panic and screaming for my mum to come in and turn the light on. The first and last time I ever slept with the light off.

Little did I know that the fear of the dark and the fear of monsters would follow me through the rest of my life? Mum told me there was no such thing as monsters and real life nightmares. Unfortunately she was wrong.

Fast forward twenty years and I was climbing the stairs in that same house, in the dark, heart pounding, with a slow detachment of reality creeping in. I met my monster that night and it has been hiding in dark corners, corridors and alleyways ever since waiting to consume me

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Eve Rock on January 23, 2015 at 4:39pm

Have already seen some mistakes! :(

Permalink Reply by Anna L. Walls on January 24, 2015 at 3:18am

Pretty gripping, but you're right; you do have a few issues in there. At first you need to separate where you are from describing the room. It sounds like the walls are in your bed. Another small point - you say it was the first and last time you slept with the lights off - you weren't sleeping, or were you? You can say it was the first and last time you tried to sleep with the lights off, but one must wonder, I'm guessing, but you're around 5 or 6; were those previous years spent in a lit room too? even as an infant? You get where I'm going with that.

After the fast forward - did you move after this nightmare? Have you moved back? Maybe inherited the house from your parents who are now gone?

I know this is just an intro, but if you're going to bring up the idea, it needs a little explanation.

Permalink Reply by Eve Rock on January 28, 2015 at 2:48pm

Hi Anna thanks for the feedback. I see exactly what you mean. Really pleased it was still gripping enough.

I will re-write and consider your points.

Thanks again.

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