One of my recent poems: Please add your comments.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pritha Chattopadhyay on July 19, 2011 at 3:04pm

Thank you so much David. Keep reading and putting in your thoughts, I will post more.

David McDonald said:

very rythmic and open, loved the exposure and willingness, almost desire, to be found and remembered. Thank you

Permalink Reply by Shira Loustaunau on July 19, 2011 at 4:36pm

Very subtle with words, yet convincing in weakness. To me, it's a struggle of your will and giving in. We are all vulnerable, but truely, how vunerable can one get, and ultimately, become strong because of it, as a breeze.  Good, I like it.  S.

Permalink Reply by Pritha Chattopadhyay on July 19, 2011 at 4:53pm

Thanks a lot...I love it where you said "it's a struggle of your will and giving in"...that's exactly what was racing through my mind when I was writing this! Do keep reading :)

Shira Loustaunau said:

Very subtle with words, yet convincing in weakness. To me, it's a struggle of your will and giving in. We are all vulnerable, but truely, how vunerable can one get, and ultimately, become strong because of it, as a breeze.  Good, I like it.  S.

Permalink Reply by Robert L. Allen on July 21, 2011 at 3:37am

Pritha, WOW!!! It's nice to read something so powerful!!! Wow. I didn't care for the italicized lettering but the poem was strong and powerful. I would eliminate the puctuation and use line separation. It doesn't matter if the form is different. I know you're trying for six line sentencing but sometimes it's okay to play with the line structure.

First sentence I'd put rattling windows on it's own line (very powerful)

Second sentence, I'd take out the word (the)

  The fifth sentence down is extremely strong...I don't know if I love the next sentence down (at my weakest point)

Last segment, first line I'd take out the word (out)

And I also noticed (at my weakest point) is in all of the last sentences, so to take them out might hurt the poem.

Again WOW...I'd revise and sent it out to the publishers...Hope to hear more from you. 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Pritha Chattopadhyay on July 21, 2011 at 8:44am

Thank you so very much Robert! It feels really great to have readers and critics like u! I love ur suggestions too!

By the way, you said u are going to send it out to the publishers...does that mean u have contacts with them, or u are an agent between writers and publishers? Wow, then, that's going to be super cool! Getting publishes and being read worldwide has been my dream and aim all through! 

 

I will post some more poems, do read and add in your comments!

Robert L. Allen said:

Pritha, WOW!!! It's nice to read something so powerful!!! Wow. I didn't care for the italicized lettering but the poem was strong and powerful. I would eliminate the puctuation and use line separation. It doesn't matter if the form is different. I know you're trying for six line sentencing but sometimes it's okay to play with the line structure.

First sentence I'd put rattling windows on it's own line (very powerful)

Second sentence, I'd take out the word (the)

  The fifth sentence down is extremely strong...I don't know if I love the next sentence down (at my weakest point)

Last segment, first line I'd take out the word (out)

And I also noticed (at my weakest point) is in all of the last sentences, so to take them out might hurt the poem.

Again WOW...I'd revise and sent it out to the publishers...Hope to hear more from you. 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Robert L. Allen on July 23, 2011 at 11:22pm

No, I'm not an agent nor a publisher, however I do send my work out. I have 28 poems published. I would suggest to pick up a Poet's Market and find what works for you. I do believe your work needs to be read and share. :)

Pritha Chattopadhyay said:

Thank you so very much Robert! It feels really great to have readers and critics like u! I love ur suggestions too!

By the way, you said u are going to send it out to the publishers...does that mean u have contacts with them, or u are an agent between writers and publishers? Wow, then, that's going to be super cool! Getting publishes and being read worldwide has been my dream and aim all through! 

 

I will post some more poems, do read and add in your comments!

Robert L. Allen said:

Pritha, WOW!!! It's nice to read something so powerful!!! Wow. I didn't care for the italicized lettering but the poem was strong and powerful. I would eliminate the puctuation and use line separation. It doesn't matter if the form is different. I know you're trying for six line sentencing but sometimes it's okay to play with the line structure.

First sentence I'd put rattling windows on it's own line (very powerful)

Second sentence, I'd take out the word (the)

  The fifth sentence down is extremely strong...I don't know if I love the next sentence down (at my weakest point)

Last segment, first line I'd take out the word (out)

And I also noticed (at my weakest point) is in all of the last sentences, so to take them out might hurt the poem.

Again WOW...I'd revise and sent it out to the publishers...Hope to hear more from you. 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by scribbler on July 25, 2011 at 6:02am

Pritha, try duotrope's digest. You can search the database of poetry and fiction publications there if you're looking for places to submit them. 

 

http://www.duotrope.com/