Perfect

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jonathon Koerner on December 27, 2011 at 2:30am

Wow, this was great. Try to be like this, but as we know, hard to always think clear. Good poem, made me think little differently. Especially like these lines.

Being perfect is being you

Never letting yourself change for others

You make your own decisions and your choices

Not caring what others say

Permalink Reply by Cleveland W. Gibson on December 28, 2011 at 10:20pm

Hi Carly

You have a poem here speaking out a volume of ideas and thoughts. But slow down the action and attempt to listen to the sound of the inner voice. Partly because there is a lack of punctuation all the sound run into one. Which is a shame because potential is something that all poets and writers desire, wishing they had it. With potential and inspiration there then must follow the hard work of changing an 'easy' poem into a finished product. In poetry a draft or unfinished poem is described as easy. But your poem need not stay that way.

I'd be tempted to change ,as a working title, Perfect to excellence since I know of no person who has ever achieved perfection or been perfect. No person has written a perfect poem or perfect prose but many greats have penned  works described as excellence in every way.

Your poem is an inspirational one. It therefore ought to avoid the negative 'not' and try to use 'never' in the context of 'you never can tell.'

I believe if you were to question each line with a what if? something might happen. You'd see where you poem might go to, what new heights you might take it to .  Give it a try and see what happens. You can always ask for help if you are stuck.

Best wishes

Cleveland

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Permalink Reply by Robert L. Allen on January 3, 2012 at 1:45am

The word (You) throws me out of the poem. It sounds preachy. I would try another word. Very powerful...Also the word (Not) in the first sentence throws me out.

Permalink Reply by Carly Jean Montgomery-Wildermuth on January 16, 2012 at 6:08am

thank you all for your support and advice!
~Carly

Permalink Reply by Kellie Mc Carthy on January 23, 2012 at 2:58pm

I like this, but at the end, I'm wondering if there was more?

I like your darkness in poetry.   This definitely reveals a side of vulnerability.