Erma jane Young's Friends

View All

Gifts Received

erma jane Young has not received any gifts yet

Give a Gift

erma jane Young's Page

Profile Information

Primary Role: Author

Favorite Literature Type: Fiction

Favorite Genre or Category: Western

Favorite Book: any book,-mystery-westerns-romance-sci fiction-ceral boxes

Favorite Author: , any author- mystery- western-sci-fiction-ceral boxes

Hello

This is a very confusing site. When I try to add a comment on any site it disappears. I guess I shouldn't mind, at least I'm getting my writing exercise done for the day.

Since this will disappear I'm going to write.

Liza sprang from the saddle hitting the defrosting ground with a loud ump. Rolling until she hit the stack of rocks that would protect her from the bullets.

Every shot peppering the ground and destroying the tall saw grass that waved in the afternoon breeze. She grimaced in pain, her hand brushed her side, she glanced at her palm it was bloody. She wanted curse like the cowboys did when shot, but what good would it do in this fight for her life.

The sound of her horse disappearing over the hill hunting safety from the noisy gunfire that continued to gouge out long trenches. Liza dodging sagebrush limbs flying in every direction that could be as deadly as the lead that was slowly uncovering her tiny space of safety.

Tell me what is wrong with this scene

Comment Wall (6 comments)

At 10:22pm on February 5, 2011, Kay Elizabeth said…: Welcome to Authors.com erma. :) Enjoy yourself! Great to have you here. Please tell us all about what you write.

At 6:06am on February 7, 2011, scribbler said…: Nice to meet you erma jane. Welcome aboard. :) I hope you enjoy being amongst us and I’ll look forward to hearing more about your writing.

At 12:36am on February 11, 2011, scribbler said…: Hi erma, I'm not sure why your posts would disappear. I've reported it on your behalf to Authors.com. You can do so with any issue by using the Report An Issue link at the very bottom of every page.It's at the bottom right. I'm seeing your post just fine.

Please try again and see if it's still happening. Are you sure you're not simply overlooking it? When a comment is made, the box empties and you need to scroll down to see the comments underneath the box. The only time it shouldn't display right away is if the member has chosen to moderate comments before making them public in their Settings.

At 12:53am on February 11, 2011, scribbler said…: In answer to your question of what's wrong with the scene: there are spelling mistakes, mixed tenses, plus punctuation and grammatical errors. It doesn't flow.

At 4:39pm on April 5, 2011, Lisa R.Brereton said…: Hi Erma,

Welcome, it is so nice to have you here among other Authors. Have you finished your next book, and what is it about? I write self-help guide books and will have my first 2 books published soon(my first book will be re-published) I have finished my third book, and now working on my forth, I will have 6 series in all. if you would like to learn more about me and my books you can visit my website www.wix.com/LisaBrereton/itswheretheheartis then just click on my blog. I would love to learn more about what you write Please stay in touch

Lisa

At 4:55am on March 9, 2019, Raymond Cook said…: Here is my re-write with the hopes it may be interesting to you:

Liza fell off her saddle hitting the defrosting ground with a loud thump. She Rolled until she hit the stack of rocks that would protect her from the bullets.

Gunshots were peppering the ground and the tall saw grass that waved in the afternoon breeze was her only protection. She grimaced in pain as her hand brushed her side. She looked down at her palm it was bloody. She wanted curse like the cowboys did when they were shot, but what good would it do in this fight for her life?

The sound of her horse disappearing over the hill wanting safety from the noisy gunfire that continued to hit the ground near Liza. Liza crawled through the grass near sagebrush, trying hard not to make anything move and give away where she was.