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The wind is blowing strongly tonight, as I stand on the beach, and remember
The gulls fly overhead watching, waiting anticipating there attack.
The ocean is the color of dust, ugly and un-tamed
The thoughts that take over ones mind are frightning.

I see two battle ships engaged in combat each taking heavy damage.
Many lives are lost. And I remember...
Flames split the night into day. Guns roar out thier battle cries.
One man screams, another falls never to rise again.
Minutes seem like hours, and hours turn to days.And time then stops completely.

Its over now. Two battered and forever scared ships
float silently in the water. Each keeping a tear filled eye on the other
wondering if it truly is over?

A young man of twenty years lays silently on the deck
His eyes are closed, fists clenched tightly around a wooden cross.
He wonders through blood stained clothes if he will ever forget?

The wind is blowing strongly tonight as I stand on the beach,
Holding my wooden cross, and remember...

Views: 22

Comment by Mark A. Santomieri on February 15, 2010 at 5:18pm
Hey, Michael!
This is a great poem. I have some "brass tacks" issues with it, however.
Might I suggest that you pick up a copy of the Chicago Manual of Style from your local library to help you with avoiding little errors in spelling and diction that could scare some readers away.
As a retired sailor, I found your imagery compelling and your story one with which I could identify very strongly.
I have been there.
Good stuff! Just watch out for those ubiquitous "there", "theirs" and "there's". Also, watch out for dangling question marks. "He wonders, through blood stained clothes, if he will ever forget." is not a question. It is a declarative statement.
Again, great poem!

My Best,
M.
Comment by michael r. oconnor on February 15, 2010 at 5:32pm
Mark, thanks for your comments. I realize my grammar, and spelling needs improvement. When I am writting everything just flows out of my head so quickly, I often forget that when others are reading it they are not only looking at the content, but everything else as well.I have no formal education, or writting experience, just my heartfelt desire to share my thoughts and feelings with others who love to express as I do. Thanks again for your comments.

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