Cadet Ryan

Ryan Seel woke up that morning ready. He took a shower and dressed himself. He met his wife in the kitchen, where she desperately threw herself to him and started crying.
“Please…” she pleaded.
“We’ve been through this,” he answered.
“Please, Ryan! Please…”
Between sobs and deep breaths, the woman tried to talk. She, in fact, was trying to deceive her husband from what he wanted to do. He only stared at her, almost in awe as he listened to every single sob and saw every single tear. Lastly, his wife desperately knelt in front of him. She started to cry even louder. Ryan, acting oblivious, grabbed his jacket and exited through the main door, leaving his partner behind, in a shocking state.
As he drove toward his destination, his mind began to get clouded by several thoughts.
Was he doing the right thing? Was he doing the right thing? He began to question himself several times. And every time, he answered yes.
As he parked his car, Ryan took a glimpse at the building. Somehow, it looked intimidating. He took a look around himself. The weather was cold and the trees waved gently back and forth. Birds chirped as always. The world felt as peaceful as never.
In a few seconds, Ryan would trade all that. At this fact, he shivered. Was he doing the right thing? Again he consciously answered yes.
“Mr. Seel,” said a woman coming out from a door. “They will greet you in a minute.”
Ryan nodded and smiled as she returned to the room. The waiting room was only occupied by him. He had already look through a bunch of magazines and a small brochure that was about what would be waiting for him, if he did accept the trade…the trade of places…the trade of his life…for another one.
A woman in her late forties appeared out of the bathroom door. She stared at Ryan when he gently smiled. She looked sad and uneasy. She ran her hand over her nose and gently replied the smile back with one of her own. Ryan quickly began looking through the brochure again.
“Don’t go!”
Ryan looked back at the woman, who was now staring at him, as if she were in a trance. Her black, piercing eyes met his.
“Don’t go,” she repeated. “Just don’t.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” he said. “Are you feeling ok?”
“What?”
She shook her head, ran her hand over her nose again and quickly looked back at the now standing in awe Ryan.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I just…I don’t even know what you are doing here…but please, if you…I mean, if you…”
She could not even finish the sentence.
“Please, just don’t go there.”
“With all due respect, ma’am,” Ryan said. “I see where you are going with this, and I must say this is not something of your own business.”
“Please!”
“Ma’am, please, I don’t want to sound rude, but this is not your business.”
“I can not see why anyone would like to join in the first place,” she said almost to herself.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s as if they were stupid. As if they had no mind of their own,” she continued.
“Listen, I don’t know what you mean, but I must ask you to stop judging.”
“Sir, you must understand…”
“I would, but right now, you are not making any sense!”
The lady took a deep breath and calmed herself down.
“Would it be ok, if I asked you why?”
She stared at him for quite a while. Her eyes felt so mysterious. Their blackness was evident and kind of scary.
“I need the money,” said Ryan. “We do; me and my wife.”
“It’s just stupid. You might as well get a job.”
“I’m not done,” he said angrily. “I also want to serve my country. I earn money, and my country has my support. I see it as a win-win.”
The woman gave a loud laugh, which was quickly changed into a sob.
“To serve your country? Please, that is just stupid. Have you not noticed how this country is?”
“Yeah! Thanks to ignorant people; thanks to ladies who try to scare away every man who wants to help it.”
“You still have no idea.”
“I do. I’ve read a lot. I know where I’m going to,” replied Ryan. “And you are just selfish. You know how many men out there give their lives so you, I and the rest of this population can have peace at the moment? So we can live a good present, and hopefully have a future. Can’t you see that they are heroes? Can’t you see the bigger picture?”
The woman ran her hand over her nose a third time. Ryan could hardly control himself. He had already taken a lot of this; from his wife, from his family, and from his friends. He did not need it from another person, a stranger. Unsupportive and negative views of the subject were just something he could not deal with at the moment. Ryan sat down and grabbed the brochure. He quickly began to feel bad about how he had talked to the lady. Somehow, it had been a lack of respect.
“My husband died there three years ago,” she said sobbing.
This came as a surprise to Ryan, for clearly he had no idea.
“Ma’am, I’m deeply…”
“Two weeks ago, I received a phone call,” she continued without looking at Ryan. “They told my son had also died there. He was supposed to come home today.” She put her hand on her pocket and took out a small bullet.
“And the only reason he is not here with me today…is this,” she said lifting the bullet. “And I’m pretty sure the one who took away my husband is just slightly different.”
She stopped to grab some air, and between sobs continued.
“My husband and son gave their lives for this country. And what do I get? A monthly check? Money?”
She started crying.
“Heroes? That is what media says. That’s what people calls them. To sugar things up…to lessen the pain,” she said. “That place took away my only family, so I’m sorry if I can not see the bigger picture. I’m sorry if I can not think in the future, because I have no future now.”
She grabbed some more air and Ryan intended to talk but she continued to control the conversation.
“You seem like a nice person. Go home. Be with your family. You are far better here… alive.”
She quickly exited through the main door and disappeared.
“Mr. Seel, you are next,” said the woman again.
But there came no response.
“Mr. Seel?” she asked while opening the door to find herself surprised at the fact that the waiting room was empty.
Miles away Ryan drove back home; back to his wife; back where he truly belonged.