Change

This was not going to be the topic of this week's post. I was going to discuss last weekend's writers' retreat I attended where I met some great people, made some new friends, and had a lot of fun, especially Sunday morning trying to avoid the rain.

However, what I learned Sunday afternoon on the drive home turned my world upside down. From Sunday through Thursday (yesterday) my emotions have been in a turmoil, my diet has gone to hell, and, up until yesterday afternoon, I managed to get about fifteen hours of sleep.

I know that my problems aren't the worst and I'm not trying to compare. I just want to discuss how big changes affect me.

I don't like change. I really don't. For instance I wore the same winter coat for years, even after the pockets started ripping and the zipper went bad. Finally, I decided to buy a new coat. I spent twenty minutes deciding between two coats. Twenty minutes.

Back in 1990, after living in a small town for fourteen years, my parents made the choice to move so Dad could have a better job. It was a tough choice for him. I didn't like it because even though I was out on my own (and at the time looking for new work) I didn't want home to disappear.

Now I'm the one moving. I've lived in Oskaloosa since 1990 and because of work, I'm forced to move. This last week I was forced into changes where I couldn't dictate the terms or have a reasonable amount of time to make a decision where I was comfortable afterward.

The results are that I was forced to accept a position with the same company in another location. Now before anybody starts warning me about trashing the workplace online, let me say that I am so grateful to the people who helped me out this last week. The new position was there from the beginning, the new supervisor took me sight unseen, and I'm thankful to have employment. I will make the best of this situation.

I wanted to go down another path, though. That's all I'm saying.

Change is tough. It's hard and I don't like not being in control. I understand things happen and that change will come, but usually I can roll with the flow. This time I was knocked asunder. I was sick, I cried, and felt like throwing up a lot. Everything came so fast I couldn't process.

And Wednesday, just to add more crap to the mixture, I'm driving to follow up on an application and the left rear tire comes off the car. I mean completely off the car. I start swerving and managed to get the car off onto the shoulder. When I stop, there's my tire rolling off into the opposite ditch. Luck was with me that I hadn't been driving faster or I would have rolled the car. Luck was with me again that there wasn't more damage than lugbolt and brake pad replacement.

So, yesterday, it ended. I accepted the new position and within a week, I'll be in a new location. Yesterday and last night I managed to catch up a bit on sleep. Today, and tomorrow, I start the next phase of trying to find a place to live and tying up loose ends, closing accounts, packing, etc.

I'm not looking forward to this either. I've spoken about my current abode in other posts but in the end, I'm comfortable here. The place is a mess, my apartment is dirty (I dread to think of Mom's reaction when we start moving out stuff. Egad!), and the cat is happy. I hope he tolerates the transition better than I will.

Even today, I still feel a little wobbly and I apologize if this post seems to stray or maybe even doesn't seem to have a point. Maybe I don't know what the point is.

I'm still a bit overwhelmed and lost.