Fun Match ... A Tail of Whoa

Fun Match ... A Tail of Whoa

copyright 2011 by Mary Anderson

Picture this. We are short on time so everyone is in super efficient mode, including me .. I'm up next with Roadie ... The friendly lady is judging ... then she leaves the ring for a moment and the super experienced fellow with the perfect 'performance" dogs is there .. I wasn't aware that they had switched places as judges .. so, I decide to take Roadie for a short practice run up the red carpet so to speak (she did pretty good too) .. We hear a booming voice behind us saying .. WHERE ARE YOU GOING? ...Ahhh.. just warming up waiting for the judge to come back, sir .. I AM THE JUDGE ... Oh, sorry sir, thought the friendly lady was the judge, sir. Then we got a stern warning Not to do that ever in a trial. ( In my heart I know he doesn't think I'm an idiot and he is simply teaching me and helping me to learn the ropes but my bladder is way to close to my eyes and they threaten to start leaking) O.K. sir, I got it, that's why I'm here to learn sir .. (O.K. I didn't say sir .. really ... At least, I HOPE I didn't. That’s NOT Koooool, this is a FUN match, right?? )

However, I'm fighting back tears ... So, The really professional guy who is the judge steps closer and softens his voice. Roadie decides to fixate on him. I confidently say, "look" nothing happens, errr, I say, "Roadie" nothing happens, I reach down and try to pull her head around, It's locked, Rigamortis has set in. Her tail is wagging furiously. She is convinced he has a pocket full of cookies ... just for her and she WANTS them, RIGHT NOW!!! I dissociate and have no recollection of the next moves before we get underway. Somehow we get to the start of the Novice test. She performs like a pro .. I'm getting my confidence up, Great heeling, Snappy turns, Fast pace, WoW .. what a team... what a dog, my tail is wagging.

I've been practicing my figure eights with the hoola hoops all week and corralling strangers from the grocery store parking lot to stand in my pink hoola hoop circles ... see, I'm not REALLY shy. So, I can't wait for this moment so we can show off our furrfect figure eight. We start off, dog on inside first and she looks at the post lady, I speed up too late but now she has tuned me out and has her nose madly snuffling the ladies pant leg. I pull her off .. I'm told by the fellow judging that I will NQ if I correct her in the trial... I know that ... i say to myself but how else am i going to get this kerflinckin mutt away from the post with cool smells on her pantlegs. The friendly lady enters the arena and together she & the fellow judging set me up again. This time , the instant I move my left leg Roadie breaks eye contact with me and with a mischievous gleam in her eye AND tail wagging furiously she takes a run at the post and jumps up so fast and hard it almost knocked the post lady off balance. ... Somehow we managed to finish the FUN match and slink away.
An hour later ... there is time for ONE more run. I take in Roadie of course ...The GOOD dogs languish in their crates. This time went much better ... and she even ignored the same POST lady .... BUT ..... there was a NEW post ... someone completely new to her so she had to go visit. Stuck her big nose in the fellows crotch and refused to leave till she had read the whole message. (cookies in the right pocket, hotdogs in the left and I want them and I'm not leaving till you share)


This is why at the end of the session my dear mentor colleagues said to me ... Maybe you should put them ALL in pre novice. I had to agree. Also, Roadie will be wearing her brand newly acquired CHOKE CHAIN ... just in case ..
I'm really a clicker trainer .. really ... however, I now have the tools to *strangle* the little b**** if she even so much as twitches her nose towards anyone's crotch in the ring or out of it. .... just kidding ... well, not about her wearing a chain collar. She says she likes the chain collar and could she please have a nice soft black leather jacket with chewy studs on it and a tattoo to go with the cool collar. I told her we could talk about the leather cloths AFTER the trial. I said "We'll see Roadie. It all depends on you!!!" She said ... "I LOVE you MOM, Even if you're Not Furfect ALL the Time" I said, 'I Know Roadie ... DITTO"