Have you ever been blue?

On the day that my first book was published Be Afraid of a Dentist, Be Afraid, my parents were diagnosed both with six months to live. I spent my celebration in the hospital fighting for their lives. Then, my brothers decided to separate my parents and put my mother in a home.

No amount of crying stopped her from going and as soon as she arrived there she understood what my brothers did to her. She had a fit. My brothers refused to take her back home. She stood there in the lobby after her colon surgery breaking and falling apart.

I had to call my sister in California and got her to talk to my father while my sister in law told me that I am on disability and therefore have no say as to what happens to my parents.

My father who was discharged from the hospital that day finally woke up from the hypnotic sleep that my brothers put him under by telling him that he is going to die. He managed to drive there to pick her up.

My parents got over the shock of my brothers betrayal. They are very much alive five montrhs later and I am in charge of their destiny and not my heartless brothers and in laws.

Then, my physician had a couple of strokes and my support structure disappeared from under my feet.

Instead of getting support for the success of my book I got attacked by anti Tkumah and realized that the review business is also a corrupted and shallow business.

One can say that my dreams collapsed just when I managed to make them come true.

I look at my losses. I understand why I am a survivor of crime still fighting for her life. The success of my book means getting the treatment that will save my health but instead of support to succeed I have support to fail.

Somehow it got to me today. I felt blue for the first time.

Oh well. The good part is that I ended up creating my own jaws support from self cured acrylic, long story but the end result is that even though I cannot eat, my migrains, spasms and the clench syndrome disappeared.

Now what?

I have been fighting for fourteen years. I have endured the cruelty within and without. I had survived but today I feel blue.