Incoherent endless sentence

I'm in a room full people who are too busy brushing confetti off their shoulders to notice that I'm trying to figure out what joke they're laughing at but I'm laughing to so maybe they're just as unsure as I am and for just a moment I feel confident enough to jump the distance in my eyes looking to the stars and the streets for the obvious answers to the obvious questions but I'll never find them cause I'll never ask and then I'm back in my bed with her laughing at a joke we can't remember and a Staind song is playing in the background and we don't notice all the confetti around the bed we're lying in because my eyes are glued to hers as she whispers I love you softly as if the room is full of onlookers but I am distracted by this to shall pass and when she says goodbye her eyes don't tear up and her lip doesn't quiver and she doesn't look back as she walks away but I'm okay because it was always going to happen like this and when I walk back into the party I see the confetti floating down from the ceiling and someone shakes my hand as someone else tries to explain the joke but I'm too busy trying figure out why we're moving in slow motion but before I do the night is over so I sit smoking its last cigarette and drinking its last beer with the one friend who is still there and then I'm running through a desert or a back road on a cool night but it doesn't matter because no one is around to jar me from my illusions and I'm wondering how long I can stay carelessly mindless before I'm forced into snapping back into reality and as my feet kick up the confetti that covers the road I laugh at the punchline that everything that I ever thought mattered was worth much as a never ending sentence with no point and no purpose and everything I took for granted mattered the most but now I'm lost and the joke is on me