The Last Kiss

Three years ... and I still was not ready for meet you again.

Amazing how are things of life. I'd give anything to have you back in my arms, a new chance to be happy. I wanted to make you happy. But
there is something I had learned too soon, and in the most cruel lesson
that was given to me…


I would never make you happy.

It's strange, but you only realize how important a thing is when you lose it. ". That is a fact. The cliché of life can be ironic, but
to me resulted in the loss of someone I loved. It had been three years
since she had gone to another city. Nevertheless I took satisfaction in knowing for certain that, near or far, you were there. I knew you were
safe.


Until that afternoon in October.

- Why? - I had asked. Nevertheless, I already knew the answer. Always known.


- It is you who always loved it, so you better come at once. - The voice on the other side of the line had come in a hoarse whisper, almost
inaudible.


- Will you be there when I arrive?

He was silent for a long time.

- Try not to be. - Finally, the response was bitter.

I stood a long time before putting the phone back to the hook. I could not believe that Peter had told me. I do not know how I had come
in the hospital without lose or suffer an accident. I did not know where
I was going, just follow aimlessly, still tormented by the words
confused in my mind.


Suddenly, all these long years without you appeared to me useless. Asked me just one thing: Why ... Why you had me away like that? Why hid
from me your problem for all these years? I do not know what to think. I
just knew I would not let you die.







- How are you? - I had asked. But I could see the answer on the lifeless face. Unlike pity, I felt hatred. Hatred because I could never
make her happy.


- Well - you lied - The doctor said I can get out of this.

So that was the new trade between the doctors? Fool people? Or perhaps, on reflection, was a way to comfort her. Or maybe it was you,
my angel; it was you who was trying to deceive me with this idea. I
looked at the exhausted face, feeling pity. I know you wouldn’t like see
my suffering, but it was too late. I knew of yours last days of life.


Having made that revelation to myself - because until then I had not accepted the facts - was the most terrible pain I've ever had. I looked
into your deep eyes, and would have left there running, afraid to
weaken. Cancer. The doctors said it was in an advanced stage. Nothing
more could be done. I wanted to run like a child afraid of the dark. I
Could do anything but stand there and see you lie to me… that’s was
something that I couldn’t.


- Why not tell me Madylane? Why did not you say? Why let your husband give me the news?


Neither realized I was crying. I was so nervous, anxious to allow my anger that had not stopped to think about who exactly I was talking. It
was unfair that my anger should return just about you.


Unfair? No. .. maybe I was right. After all you put me off of your life. Made me believe that you don’t wanted me any more. Damn - that was
all I wanted to think at that moment.


- Why did it Madylane? - I supported myself in the beams of the bed, I had approached so much that our faces were centimeters apart. This
time I would do you tell me the truth. All of it - What your husband
gave him that I could not give?! Where is he now?


For a moment, I had even forgotten your disease. Remember your response? Made my knees to tremble like a leaf.


- Peter was never my husband. It was an agreement between us to keep you away.


I confess that I felt wish to strangle your neck, but I stopped myself just for remembering that you were dying. I was not stupid, and I
had been aware of the revelation that you had told me.


- Why did it, Madylane?

- You know why.

Yes, I know. Just didn’t want to admit to myself.

- I want to hear you say. - Roared.

- You would suffer.

- You couldn’t do something like that! - I had answered, curtly. - Perhaps the truth is another. Why not tell me that you changed me to the
spoiled rich boy and famous Peter? He gave all the fame that a simple
man as I could not give! - I was crying, discounting all my anger in
Peter.


Wanted you to react. To deny. But you just stared at me for a few seconds before collapsing in tears. Longed my face.


- My God ... I'm… I’m sorry Madylane. I'm an idiot.

I dried your tears, and for the first time, I understood your pain. The pain of disappointment, of loss. There was nothing worse than that.


Death. Madylane had a few days of life. I could not avoid a weak smile at that moment, thinking of the absurd situation. For thinking in
my mind, always imagined death as an honorable act in a fight.


Still I would have been on your side. I tried to tell you that, in the hours we spent in the hospital, and you finally seemed to
understand. Anyway you asked for forgiveness, but was I who apologized,
because not have noticed before how much you meant to me. By not
fighting enough and haven’t stayed with you.


Neither believed that after three years, had made peace. Three years away from you, three long years ... can understand what it is Madylane?
Yes, you can. You had also passed this severe test of fire.


You had discharge from hospital. There wasn’t much thing to do about it, and the doctors allowed you to pass yours last days with me. And
then I took you to my house - I still remember your surprise to learn
that I lived totally alone.


- Single? – you had asked.

- Ever. I waited for you these three years - did not care to open my feelings for you, hidden until then by all these long years. No longer
mattered nothing, nothing - except for you.


Were the two best days of my life, despite your illness. In the morning I took you to the garden, and there we played to make plans,
plans for the future that never would have together. Even so, I played
just for you. After all, we were forbidden to each other to mention the
disease.


In the evening then would come together in my room, and it was there that I loved you again. God, my sweet Madylane! How was good to have
you in my arms again! I made you say my name aloud for me that night,
acclaim for my body and I desired your. I loved you again as I had done
in the years we spent together. My kisses explored your body, and I was
proud to know that had provided pleasure. Well, Madylane ... If I could,
if only I had this gift, I would have extended that night until the end
of our lives.


Just that night I let you sleep because I knew were tired. But the truth - and you did not know - is that I spent a sleepless night,
sitting in an old armchair beside our bed, just watching you. I was
afraid to see you sleep. I was afraid to think you sleeping, and never
again wake up.


And that followed, these moments. A day after she died. Was dead. Definitely. I buried in the burial-ground of the city,
believing that I would be strong enough to attend the ceremony until the
end. But as the priest began to speak I stood up and I turned around,
regardless of those looks which had followed me out of the chapel. After
that, before parking my car in the first bar I saw, I shouted her name
in the midst of my tears. Cried convulsively ...


Since then I can not say it has been easy to live without you, my sweet Madylane. The pain of love made me wonder if I would survive
another day. More and more one day ... without you. Still wake up
thinking that I will have her with me. Sometimes I look at the entrance
of the house, hoping you can come at any moment. It is sad to know that
this time, I lost forever.


I had planned to have children, had planned to give you a home, but everything fell apart just as quickly as one day I had dreamed. Rested
me only follow your advice, those sweet words spoken in your state of
sickness:


"Always remember me with a smile, for the good things we had together, never a tear for my death." Well, there is something good that
could do, dear Madylane. I will always remember you. And always be
smiling.


Ever.