The Secrets of All Secrets, A Satirical Take On A Mysterious Quest Fraught With Intrigue and Danger.

        He put the photo down and booted up the laptop, inserting the USB after Windows appeared. A screen suddenly opened, surprising him.

        “Huh,” he uttered.

         On the screen was a paragraph in fourteen-point boldface. Zane read the first words:

          “Hello, Zane.”

          How does this thing know me by name? he asked himself.  Nobody knew I was walking on the bridge. He read on.

          “You have been entrusted to learn The Secrets of All Secrets. Once you know them, you will know everything. This will require you to embark on a journey that will be fraught with danger and mystery, but there will be exhilaration from which you will get the ultimate buzz. Trust us. Your reward for completing the journey will be incalculable, one that no other human being on Earth is offered. To deny the opportunity to learn The Secrets of All Secrets will leave you haunted and feeling soulless, your life meaningless, for the remainder of your days. If you are game, scroll down to the next screen.”

        “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Zane said. “Somebody’s screwing with me.” He scrolled down to the next screen.

         “We are not screwing with you. This is no joke… Scroll down.”

         Zane scrolled.

        “Jesus!” Zane exclaimed. “How does this f****** thing know what I’m saying and thinking?”

       “We would rather you not use profanity. You have two days from tomorrow. That should allow you to decide and allow you to arrive there in time. Remember, at the end of your journey, you will learn The Secrets of All Secrets, and we are not talking about who slept with whom, or how to win the lottery, or the Einstein and Hawking birth and death of the universe thing, although you will probably wind up learning that stuff.  We mean secrets of a much higher order, including the meaning of life.”

        The screen closed. That was the end of it.