Timothy

I have no idea how all of this started or how I arrived within this place, but I know now that there might not be any way for me to escape. Everything around me appears to be just like it had before all this started and yet there is something in the air that makes me feel it all is different. The only thing that I am sure of is what that could be. You might be asking yourself what I could be talking about, or even questioning my own mental state at this point. And I couldn’t blame you if you did. For you see, those thought have entered my mind many times already. As ridiculous as they would normally be, there seems to be some fragment of truth to them in a way, one which at this point is beyond my capacity to truly grasp.
 That is why I am writing this down now, before the memories I have fade away into the oblivion of the darkness and are gone forever. By the fact that you are still reading this, I can tell that you are curious to what it would be that I am going to say. The only thing is I am not really sure where to begin. I guess, like the mad hatter in Alice in Wonderland would say…Start at the beginning and when you reach the end…stop. Well, first off I should explain who or should I say what I really am. Please keep an open mind before I say this, for I know that you are not going to believe me. But everything that I am going to tell you is the truth. You see…I am nothing like you, or anyone else for that matter. (I know that sounds a little self-centered and full of myself, but it is the truth.) You see, my name is Timothy and….I am a ghost. Yes…you heard me right, I am a ghost. I am not like Casper from those cartoons that you watched when you were a child. Or some evil spirit seeking revenge like they portray in those horror stories that the movies. (At least I think that I am not that way.) I am almost just like you, with the exception that I am dead. How I had died, I am not sure of. Which I know would be the first question that you would want to ask me. That seems to be the number one morbid question that everyone would ask when death comes up in the subject. It all happened so fast that I could not comprehend what had been happening at the moment.  So, I have already answered that question which was on your mind. I guess you could say that I had died in my sleep, for that was the last thing that I remembered. Drifting off into such pleasant dream about my beloved Lisa and myself, who I had done every night, ever since we first met. I love her so much, that I intended to marry some day, that was until this happened. And then there was a sudden sharp pain surging through me, stiffening my body, making me feel like something was ripping through my flesh, making me want to scream out in agony. But not a sound came from my lips, or at least I thought no sound came from me, I couldn’t be sure. The piercing anguish consumed me, as I found myself fighting to keep my strength, to open my eyes to see what was happening to me. I know that I had tried to gasp for air; even though I couldn’t be certain if I had been successful in doing so. The strength started to leave my body, feeling the warmth of my blood flowing over my flesh. And there was something else, something that was so faint, that I could not be sure if I had really heard it or not. Laughter…A wicked laughter from someone in the distance who must have found amusement in what was happening to me. Now, I can not be sure that was what really happened, for it was just a faint memory in the back of my mind, or maybe just something that my mind had made up. After that, I could feel my flesh turning cold, as if I was being frozen. It was slow and such torture, but the memory of it only lasted for a second, from what I could recall.
    The next thing that I knew I found myself within a void of utter darkness. No light at the end of the tunnel, no flames of hell rising up to consume me, just the emptiness of oblivion. I had no idea how long I had spent within the darkness, for you see time did not exist there. The only thing that I was aware of was that the darkness was slowly driving me mad. For within its shadows I could hear the sounds of what I believed to be voices. They were soft as a whisper, but I could still make out their agonizing moans, which seemed to come from all around me. It seemed to come closer to me, as if drawn to me for some reason. I wanted to scream and yet not a sound came from my lips. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t move. I was helpless, almost incapacitated in some strange way. But it wasn’t just the voices that had driven me to the point of madness, but also the memories of my past, which I had tried all my life to forget about. The images of the people and events that scarred me emotionally and mentally, that brought about such anxiety that haunted me (excuse the pun) for the rest of my life. It wasn’t just the images of my past that I had endured, but the emotions as well. Ones that I had thought had long since faded away over the years, that now emerged with such intensity that I could not handle. Those times when I was a child, the harassment that I had faced and the pain they had inflicted on me. Seeing myself as a skinny, tall boy with short brown hair and glasses, so shy and timid, staying away from any interaction with the other kids. While in my mind I had created my own world, where I had felt safe. Where no one could touch me and their hurtful words no longer could he heard. And then I would flash forward in time to when I had been married before, finding my ex-wife in bed with another man. This woman who had always preached to me how much of devoted Christian that she was, now had made a liar out of herself. Seeing them within the throws of their passion, as I watched by the half opened bedroom door, knowing that they could not see me. The rage burning through me like molten lava through my veins. But all I did was walk away, as the tears fell down my cheek.
    Right now you are probably thinking that my life was nothing more than a series of bad events. In a way, you are right and then again you are wrong as well. For there were good times as well. And it seemed that the images of all the good times in my life brought about more pain than the bad ones did. You are probably asking yourself how that could be. Well, I will tell you and you will know that this is true. Mainly because, I knew that I would never be able to go back to them and to the ones I loved. So you can see why they would hurt more than anything else. The main memories that seemed to come to me the strongest, where that of Lisa. Of course, it makes sense, since she is the woman that I love. How so many times when we were together, we would be walking through Grant Park in downtown Chicago, hand in hand. Talking about how we dreamed our future together would be, or just of how much we loved each other. Or whatever would come to our minds at that moment, we would share with each other. I had never held anything back from her and she never did with me. At the time she was attending the American Institute of Art downtown and I always made a serious effort to always come over and see her every week.
For if there would be a week or two that I couldn’t see her, the misery of missing her would be to great for me to deal with. (Just like now that I am within this darkness, for I know that I will never hold her in my arms again.) When I would show up there, she would always have such an excited expression on her face. Seeing it (actually, just even seeing her) brought about an excitement in my heart, to the likes of which I had never felt before. Having these visions come before my eyes, brought about such a sorrow that I had never thought I could ever feel. In fact, I think that it is something so intense that no mortal could ever handle. I wanted to go back, to wake up from this nightmare and feel my arms around her sleeping body. So warm against my skin, as I listened to the sound of her gentle breathing. Just to know that this is all just a dream and that I would wake up lying next to her, that was all that I wanted. But I knew to well, that was something that would not happen to me. I was trapped, damned if you will, in this infernal darkness, never to know what fate would come to me. No matter where my head would turn, all that I could see was the emptiness that had been placed in. Hearing those voices, those beastly voices moaning and screaming out in such anguish. They were getting closer that I knew for sure, even though I couldn’t see them. They were coming for me, what reason that could be I had no idea of. But they were coming none the less. And here I was, unable to do anything to defend myself or even get away from whatever it was that lurked within the darkness. My hear raging through me so great that simple logic no longer existed within my mind. Something was closing in on me that I knew for sure, even though I didn’t know how I knew it. It almost felt as if some of them were coming passed me, feeling their cold touch against me, weakening my soul in a way.  They all bombarded me at once, feeling each blow, like claws ripping into me,  weakening my will, till I was too weak to fight them off any longer. They didn’t try to destroy me, only keep me in some weakened state for some reason. So many times before I had thought that I was being tortured by the silence around me, but nothing could come close to what I now faced within the damnation of this darkness. I knew that this would be the end of me, that there was no way that I could ever get back now. This was no dream at all, it was really happening. The only thing that I could not figure out was why.
    You don’t believe me, do you? Well, it is the truth, I swear it. And just by knowing that you are still reading this, your eyes scanning each printed word, I can tell that you are interested in knowing what happened next. As for you not believing, I can understand. After all, you are alive and have no idea what it is like over here on the other side. Well, now you got a slight taste of it. But that is not where my story ends. Oh no, this is just the beginning, my friend. The beginning of something that I have ended up being trapped in for all eternity. I am not telling you this to crush what beliefs you have about the afterlife. I simply want to tell you what I went through, and go through.
    Now that we have that settled, I shall continue to tell you about what happened to me. Like I had said a moment ago, time had no existence within this place, but to me it seemed that I hadn’t stayed within the darkness for that long. Of course, those things in the shadows had kept me so weak that I could not even find the strength to comprehend what it was that was happening to me. Once I was at my weakest point that I could be, where I thought that I was going to fade away into the abyss, the darkness began to ebb. At first everything around me was nothing more than blurred transparent images that I really could not make out. The only thought that ran through my head, was wondering if I would ever wake up what and everything is so out of focus. I could hear the sound of voices again, but they were faint and muffled, so I had no idea what really was being said. But just from the sound of them scared me, for I thought that it was the beasts from the shadows that came for another attack.
    “What is happening to me?”
    How I wished that I could know the answer to that. I stood there motionless, as if expecting the air itself to answer me. I know, a foolish notion, but after what I had experienced already it seemed like a possibility. Still, I wanted to know, so that way I would have been able to handle what was going on around me. Everything became brighter, blinding my eyes for a moment, until my eyes were able to adjust to it. My eyes squinted to try and see, just to find something, anything that would be familiar to me. But I was too weak to do anything except stand there, waiting for something to happen. Even though I wanted to shut my eyes, to make myself wake up, I found myself unable to do so. And when I started to walk, it felt strange to me as if the ground wasn’t even there. Or maybe I was just floating above it somehow. But that was ridiculous, because I could see the ground, or should I say wooden floor, but it still felt odd to me. With what I had gone through so far and the exhausted state that I was in right now, I really didn’t give it a second thought. Even though my sight was blurred, I could tell in some way that I was in some sort of room. But where? That was the only thing that I couldn’t figure out. The voices that I heard continued to surround me, but they weren’t like the ones that I had heard in the darkness. Even though I didn’t know why that was, I believed it, none the less. The light around me wasn’t any angelic light, like so; many religions make us believe that we will see. No, this was fluorescent illumination that you would find any place. As I slowly walked in a shuffling pace, I knew that there were object around me, but I couldn’t feel them. I mean, they were there, I know that they were, but if I were to try and touch one of them, I wouldn’t feel it. When that realization came over me, then I knew for a fact that this was no dream. And also, the horrible understanding that I didn’t want to admit. That I was dead.
    Now I wonder, are you asking yourself what it feels like to be dead? To be a ghost? Well, let me tell you something, it is a strange thing. You never feel hungry, never need to use the bathroom or need to sleep. You just keep wandering around the place, and no one can see you. And in this case, where I an in telling you this, I couldn’t see them either. I had often wondered what it would be like to be invisible. Hell, I bet everyone had wondered that once or twice in their life. I can tell you now that it isn’t the fun that you would think it would be. For I felt the loneliness sink into me, not seeing anyone and only hearing the faint voices. And to tell you the truth, I think that is the one true madness that people are afraid of the most. I know I am, especially now that I am going through it. And that is the one thing I wouldn’t put my worst enemy through even.
    So there I was walking around aimlessly and everything around me was nothing more than a blur. And the whole time that I did, I kept wondering why I was there? I mean, I knew now that I was dead, but where was this place I was in. Was this the limbo that people talk about, that the soul waits in, before traveling on? If so, then I would have to get used to existing in a blurred limbo, where nothing is clear to me. But, I had a feeling that there was something more to it that wasn’t there yet. Something that was waiting to be revealed to me. That feeling stayed strong within me, making me want to search out the truth. In life, I always had a bad habit of being impatient and I guess that carried over within me into death. Because I found myself wanting this to happen right away. To know there was nothing that I could do about it and because of that I became frustrated.
    “Alright, now what am I suppose to do?” I thought.
    I found myself not even paying attention to where I was going. Passing through what I believed to be furniture and then through walls, going into other rooms. But every new room that I had went into, was just like the first, blurred. I stopped finally in a room that seemed to be dimly lit. I could hear the sound of a woman’s voice close by. A voice that seemed so familiar to me and yet I could not figure out why. The woman was crying for some reason and I found myself being sad because of it. She was saying something, but I couldn’t make it out. Mainly because her voice was garbled, like the way you would hear someone’s voice on a cell phone that had a bad signal. I found myself no longer worrying about what was waiting to appear to me or what fate would end up being. The only thing that I concentrated on was this crying woman. Wondering what it could be that was making her so sad? Who could have hurt her? I knew that there was nothing that I could do to help her, because I was helpless in doing so. I felt like all of this was just out of focused images that I was watching that II would pass right through if I were to reach out for them. I wanted to walk away, so this woman’s sorrow wouldn’t make me feel so bad. Even though I had no idea why that would be? Yet, I couldn’t leave her; something was keeping me there with her. Like some sort of force paralyzing me, so that I would not run away. The more I listened to her crying, the more I knew that I had heard her voice before. It seemed to be right there in my mind, behind a door on my subconscious, but I just couldn’t get to it to open it.
    There was light shining into the room that we were in, the blurred silhouette of the woman stood within it. I knew that she had to be standing by a window, for it was the only thing that made sense to me. I couldn’t tell if she was looking out the window or had her back facing it. It really didn’t make any difference to me, because I couldn’t make out the detail of her right now anyway. I wanted to know what she looked like, needed to know, as if it was something vital to me. But why? Another question that would have to wait to be answered, I guess.
    “Why are you crying? Why are there tears in your eyes?”
    I knew that she couldn’t hear me, or at least I thought that she couldn’t. In a way I had no idea why I had even said that. It just seemed like the right thing to say. Almost natural to me to say to this mysterious woman. If only I could make out what she was saying. That way I would know what was wrong and then go on my way. Or would I be able to do that? That was a questions that I found myself unable to answer. Since I was dead, I knew that I would have eternity to figure that out, as well as a many other things that would come up later on. I watched her blurred silhouette make her way from the window and then across the room and out the door. She moved slowly, almost as if she really didn’t want to get to where she was headed. Without thinking I followed her blurred silhouette, as if she would be the one that would bring about the answers that I was looking for. Or course, keeping up with her was easy, for all I had to do was to walk through the walls to the next room she was going into. When I did, I could feel a sensation run through me, something that was almost like static electricity running though me. As I followed her, I started to wonder if there was any way that she could possibly see me. I know that when I was alive, I had read all those true ghost stories, about people seeing something from the corner of their eye for a brief moment. An image of something that would appear suddenly and then fade away, as if it wanted to be known for a brief instant. I wasn’t sure if I wanted my presence to be known just yet. Considering that I had no idea who she was. Could it be possible though that it could be happening right now? That maybe she was crying in fear, not sorrow, because she saw me. Of course, I always thought that a person would scream rather than cry when they would see a ghost. Or maybe she saw me as a blurred image, like the way that I am seeing her right now.
    I was hoping that it was sorrow, for I didn’t want her to be afraid of me. The tone in her voice, which I could hear clearly, was that of sorrow. And I wondered what it could be that was so terrible that would make her so sad? Even though I couldn’t hear what she was saying, just the sound of her voice seemed soothing to me. I didn’t know why and I really didn’t care. For the first time since this started, I could feel myself slightly at ease. I knew that I had to know who this woman was, to see her face. Even though I was not sure where I was, I had a feeling that I already knew. Because I maneuvered around the place with such ease as if I already knew the entire layout. It was the house which I had lived all my life. The only thing was it was no longer mine. All the furniture that I had been so familiar with was gone and different ones was now in there place. I walked away from her, feeling that I was scaring her in a way and went into an empty room and stood there for a while.
     The voices continued to float in the air like faint whispers, unable to make out what was being said. I wanted to just try and ignore it, but no matter what part of the house that went to, I could still hear them. That and their footsteps, making the floorboards creak and groan as if the house itself was in agony. I had no idea what I was doing there. Was this the eternity that I was forced to exist in? What this my eternal damnation? Questions which at the time I could not even conceive what the answers would be.
    Do you believe me in what I am telling you? You probably are thinking that this is nothing more than the writings of a madman. Someone who has lost his grip on reality. But what I am telling you is the truth. Even now, as there words are formed, I am still here within this house, not ever able to escape. Having to painfully watch the living go about their lives, so happy, carefree and joyous. You could never know how painful that can be; when you are forced to watch others embrace that which you know that you can never have. Anyway, I am going off track with what I was speaking about.
    The house which at one time belonged to me, now was the property of a family that at first I could not see. All that I was able to do was to hear their voices, faint at first, but as time went by the voices became clearer. There was also the feeling of something brushing against me now and again, even though there was nothing there. None of the voices seemed to be familiar to me, which was something that was not a surprise to me. Except for one voice, a woman’s voice that made me feel as if I knew her. But my thoughts had been clouded so I couldn’t comprehend why I was thinking that way. Still, every time I would hear her voice, that same feeling came over me. A feeling that would create a warm sensation through my soul as well as make me shiver at the same time. I knew that I had to find out who this woman was and why I was feeling this way. For I knew that if I didn’t, that I surely would go mad from it.
    I know that because you are reading this, that either I have sparked your curiosity to know more or that you just want to see where this is leading too. Either way it doesn’t matter, for this is something that needs to be said, whether you believe or not.
    The whole time I stood there alone, listening to all of this, I would keep my attention on the woman. Wondering who she could be? And why it was that I was drawn to her so much. All that I could do was to wait for the images to become clearer, so that my questions would be answered. The whole time that I waited, I found myself trying to regain the memories of my past. Of things that I had done when I was alive, but no matter how hard I tried those memories wouldn’t come to me. And if they did, they would be nothing more than fragmented, faded images. I found myself so frustrated by it, that I would scream out in such agony. It really didn’t matter to me, because I figured that I was dead and no one could hear me any way.
    The odd thing that I had noticed at that time was that even the photographs that hung on the wall were blurred to my sight. As if something didn’t want me to see what was really there, like some sort of bizarre secret. The only one that was clear was a painting that hung on the mantle in the living room. In it was the image of two lovers engaged in a passionate kiss. Holding each other so close, their lips barely touching as they gazed into each others eyes. I had no idea why that was the only thing that I could see so clearly or why I found myself drawn to it so much. I would find myself standing in the middle of this strange living room, staring at it for hours on end. Feeling myself being drawn into it for some reason. I guess in a way, it reminded me of my beloved Lisa. The way I used to hold her when we kissed, the feel of her body against mine, and the way she had brought about such feelings within my heart that I never knew existed. How I wished I was alive, so that I could be with her again. Or that she could just be with me right now. Yet that was something that I could not wish upon her. I wouldn’t want her to have to exist within this nightmare that I now found myself in. Still, I couldn’t help missing her.
    I know that if you were able to speak to me, that you would say that ghosts aren’t suppose to feel anything. Well, I can tell you first hand that we do, Sometimes that it the only thing that we have to hold onto in this world. Whatever world that it is that I am in. Especially love that is the one emotion that stays with the soul the strongest. And before we go any further, you are probably wondering how these words are being written. To tell you the truth, I am not sure myself. I always find myself within the attic of this house, where my old typewriter still sits and boxes of typing paper that has been untouched sits next to it. All I seem to do is to think about it and then the typewriter comes alive, the paper placing itself within the roller and then it begins to write down the words that or on these pages that you are now reading. I know that isn’t really a good explanation, but it is the only one that I can give right now.
    Anyway, when the people who lived there finally came clear to my sight, I found myself shocked by what I was seeing. So much that for a moment I was paralyzed and unable to even think about what to do. For standing before me within the kitchen was my beloved Lisa, in the arms of another man. Married to someone else maybe, living out the dream that I had wanted to make a reality with her. The man had short jet black hair with a medium build, but there was something about him that I didn’t like. It wasn’t the fact that he was with her, that was something that I couldn’t control at this point. No, there was something about the way that he looked at her. Even though his eyes showed compassion and tenderness to her, there was something else hidden behind that. Almost as if he wanted to be in control of her, which puzzled me why she would be with someone like him. For I knew Lisa didn’t go for a man who tried to take control of her life or make her out to be a slave. Even though I was a distance away from them, I could still see that in his eyes. I don’t know why, maybe because ghosts are able to see things that the living can’t. I wasn’t sure, but the plain fast was that I did see it. They were standing a few feet from me, arms wrapped around each other as he gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. The one thing I noticed was the way she reacted to him, with an almost fearful expression on her face. It was as if she really didn’t want him touching her, but was afraid to tell him so. She had always been one who was timid and shy around people and even a little naive, which was the one thing that I had always been trying to get her out of. I just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t fight him off right now. What was it that he had over her that would make her afraid of him? There was nothing that I could do about it though, for after all I was dead and I really didn’t expect her to stay chaste for the rest of her life. It was just the shock of seeing this that engulfed me with such sadness. For I had loved her more than I had ever loved any other woman before, and always told her that our love would last for an eternity. If this would have happened when I was alive, I would have been mad as hell. Cursing her and accusing her of using me. But that was not the case; she probably had waited years before even trying to see someone else. And even then it probably was difficult for her to do that when she did try. Trying to endure the grief of trying to deal with my death, Still, I had never had the chance to say good bye to her. To tell her how much I loved her and how special she was to me. Maybe that was why I was here, to give her the closure she needed and the chance for her to say good bye one last time. But what if it wasn’t? What if there was some other reason for me being here? How I wished that I knew what the answer could be. But right at that moment, all that I could think about was her. Enveloped within the fact that I was able to see her once again, seeing how beautiful she is. The way her long amber hair cascaded over her shoulders, those green eyes that I had always loved staring in over and over again. She hadn’t changed at all, still the way that I had remembered her.
    “What’s wrong Lisa? You have seen acting strange for the longest time.” The man said.
    “It’s nothing that you have to worry about. I’ll be fine.” She said in a soft voice and then the left side of her lip twitched.
    Maybe her husband didn’t notice it, but I did. I knew that was a nervous twitch she would always have when something was bothering her or when she was hiding something. I just wondered what it could be that was really going through her mind.
    “Lisa, I know that there is something wrong. Tell me, you know that you can always trust me with anything.” He said.
    “I don’t know what it is, Danny. I just can’t get Timothy out of my mind. I still can’t believe that he is gone.” She said as she took a step back from him.
    “Lisa, it’s been two years since his death. You have to let him go and live on. I mean, look what you have now. I told you that I would be here for you, because I love you.” He said.
    When I heard him say that, I could feel a rage building up inside my gut. That would be, if I had a gut for it to feel. I wanted to hit him, but what was the use. My fist would just go right through him and he would not feel a thing. When I was alive, I had read up on true ghost stories and how they were able to move objects to let the living know that they were there. The only thing that they never mentioned was how they were able to do it. Of course, I don’t think the living would really know about that.
    The whole time they talked, my attention stayed on Lisa, waiting to see what she would say next. There was a part of me that was afraid that she would agree with him and tell him that she loved him. And yet, I couldn’t let herself put her life on hold because of me. Just because I had died, didn’t mean that she had to stop living her life, finding something that would make her happy.
    “I know that it has been two years, but I can’t just forget about him. And I do feel something for you, but I am not sure what it is. What I had with Timothy was so special. A love that I never thought that I could ever find in a man before. And in a way, I don’t think that I could ever love anyone the same way as I loved him.” She said as a tear ran down her cheek.
    Just from the way that Danny looked at her with that frustrated expression on his face, I knew that he didn’t want to believe her. And even if he did, it almost appeared that he wasn’t going to let her go that easily. That was the one thing that worried me; because I couldn’t just stand there and watch as he did something to the woman I love. As for me, I was touched by what she had said, wishing that I could tell her that I still loved her too. Just to touch her one last time and be able to know that she felt it. But how, that was the one thing that I couldn’t figure out.
    “If you don’t love me, then why did you ask me to move in here with you? Why did you say yes, when I asked you to marry me?” he said in an angered tone.
    “I asked you to move in with me because I was afraid to be alone. This was his house, the one that we were going to start a family in. And as for me saying yet to marriage….I was confused at the time. Why do you think we sleep in separate rooms? I can’t get intimate with you as I did with him. In fact I really can’t be intimate with you.” She said
    “So, I’m just a roommate to you nothing more?” he said in a discouraged voice. “But what about the fact that you slept with me? Didn’t that mean anything?”
    “I had told you before, I was drunk and passed out and you took advantage of me. That doesn’t mean that I love you. In fact, I have hated you ever since then. I thought that you were my friend, but I guess I was wrong.” She said screaming.
    By this time I was ready to strangle him, my rage burned so great that I couldn’t hold back any longer. I knew that I had to do something, anything to let him know that he couldn’t get away with doing this to her. Just seeing my beloved Lisa crying weighed my soul down with such sorrow. Wishing that I hadn’t died, that I was still there to love her and make her dreams come true. That way she wouldn’t be in this situation, and she would be happy and loved. I know that blaming me for dying is a ridiculous thing to do, especially since I don’t even know how I died. But it was a feeling that I couldn’t help feeling and there was nothing I could do about it now. Slowly I moved toward her, knowing that she couldn’t see me, and yet it seemed as if she was looking right at me. As if she did see me, with an expression that screamed out for me to help her. But even if that was the case, what could I do for her.
    “After all that I have done for you. All that I did to show you how much I wanted you and this is the way that you treat me.” He said in an angered tone, his eyes glaring with such fury.
    “What in the hell are you talking about?” she said, her arms crossing over her chest and looked back at him.
    “I mean…..I….nothing, just forget about it.” He suddenly said.
    Lisa was looking at him with an uneasy expression on her face, which I didn’t blame her. I was starting to wonder what it could be that he meant. Just by the way that responded, refusing to answer her, I knew that there was something he was hiding. I stood right next to her, looking at her, smelling the faint scent of her perfume. God, how I wished that I could have touched her, touched her in a way that she would feel it. Just so she would know that I was there, I was with her if she needed me. Just like we had said when I was alive, of how we would always be together, be there for each other no matter what. And I guess even in death, I was keeping that promise to her. The only thing that I was not sure about was why I was here. From what I knew about ghosts, from what I read, ghosts always returned because of something that was unfinished, or avenge something that had happened when they were alive. I never really believed in that, but it seemed like it was the only thing that made sense to me right at that moment. Before either of them could say anything, I could hear the sound of those whispering voices again, this time joined as one voice. And that was when I noticed dark shadows that lurked within the corners of the room. For some reason they didn’t seem like normal shadows that you would find around you. No, there was something within them that made me feel uneasy. But I just couldn’t understand why that would be. And in a way I really wasn’t that concerned about it, for my attention stayed on Lisa. Wondering what she was going to do next. The whispering voice was slightly louder now, and I was able to make out one word that was said over and over again. Murderer! Just hearing that brought about a feeling within me, as if I was suddenly awakened within me. Questioning if what I was suspecting could be true, or maybe it was just some dark spirit deceiving my thoughts. Still, for some reason it felt right, felt like it was the truth. Or maybe I just wanted it to be, because I hated the fact that this guy was with the woman I love.
    “What did you mean by that? I know that you are hiding something from me. What is it?” she said.
    The look on her face was that of sheer hatred and seriousness, something that I had been lucky enough never to have her gave me before.  The one thing that I knew though was that she wasn’t going to let Danny talk his way out of this. She was determined to know the truth, no matter how hard she would have to push him. If I would be able to, I would do it myself, that was if I knew what to do for her.
    “Why am I being tortured like this? What did I do to deserve this?”
    Questions which I knew to well there was no answer to that I could find within myself. Now I know you are probably wondering who this Danny is. He was a friend of hers that always had an infatuation with her, yet knew that she was in love with me. So he never really tried to do anything to get in between us. For some reason now though as I am looking at him, there is a strange feeling of anger filling inside of me. Not because of what he had said and done to her, but something else. Something that was not making itself evident to me. I knew that it would make itself be known, and when it did I would probably not be able to handle it. My mind was already making up its own conclusions to what that could be, even though I didn’t want to believe it. The only thing that I could do was to wait and see what would come about. Right now though, I was more worried about Lisa than anything else right now.
    “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it. I am just frustrated about what you told me. I mean all this time I thought that you really cared about me, that there was something between us that was special.” He said.
    “I like you as a friend, nothing more than that. I just don’t feel anything for you. I wish you can understand that. Even when Timothy was alive you always tried to take me away from him, but I would never let that happen. I didn’t feel anything for you back then and I still don’t feel anything for you now.” She said in an angered tone.
    “That’s why you had me move in here, that’s why you wanted me to take care of you?” he said.
    “If you remember, you were the one who offered to do it. You said that you needed a place to stay because you got kicked out of your house. I let you have the extra room, but you didn’t do anything to help me. You just created extra work for me. And every time that you would come in the room, you would always look at me as if you wanted to take me right then and there.” She said. “You never did anything for me, except pay me rent for the bills. That is all that you ever did for me.”
    When I looked at Danny I could tell that he was at the point where he was going to let his anger loose. What he would say was something that he was holding back or maybe just to upset her. Which ever the fact maybe I was ready for it, even though I had no idea what it was that I would do? My hands clutched tightly into fists, even though they would probably be useless if I threw a punch. Still, it was a reaction that I could not control.
    “I helped you support your daughter. The one who has a corpse for a father, who never even deserved her or you!” he yelled as his eyes widened with madness. “I am glad I did what I did. Emily should have been my daughter to begin with, just like you should have been my love.”
    I could feel a heavy weigh suddenly placed upon me as well as a fiery pit that suddenly became an inferno within my gut. I wasn’t ready to hear what he had just said, and now all that I found myself able to do was to stand there in horror and dismay. Not only was it revealed that Danny had murdered me, but I had a daughter. Lisa never mentioned anything about it to me, but why? It was then a flash of a memory came back to me. A moment before I died of how she had told me on the phone that there was something that she needed to talk to me about in the morning. Something that was of vital importance to both of us that she wanted to reveal to me. I had no idea what it could have been that she was talking about at the time, but now it all became clear. My eyes turned away from them and over to the shadows of the room that I had noticed before. I didn’t know if it was just my own imagination, or if it was really happening. But it seemed that these shadows were moving on their own. Shapeless shadows, that slowly was moving toward the three of us. But why they were was something I couldn’t figure out. Were they some sort of dark angel waiting to see who they would be bringing down to hell with them? If so, I was afraid that it would be me, since I was the only one who was dead.
    The whole time that I watched them, Danny and Lisa continued to argue, Lisa crying after hearing the truth about what he had done. He told her that it was an act of love and desperation that made him do it. To me it was more like jealousy and envy that pushed him to it. It was then he insulted her, saying that he wasn’t going to leave and that she was his, no matter what. By this time I had heard enough and all I could think about wanted to hit him. To knock him down to the ground and watching him as his body hit the floor. In my mind all that I could think about was how I wanted him to feel my punch, wanted my fist to make contact with the side of his face. Before I could think of it, I threw the punch and to my surprise I did make contact with him. Danny staggered backwards as his head suddenly jerked to the side. He had almost lost his balance and fell to the floor. And he would have, if he hadn’t grabbed onto the table. Just my luck that he would be close enough to do it.
    “What is the matter with you?” she said.
    “Something hit me. I know it did, it felt like someone just punched me in the jaw.” He replied as he looked around him in a frantic gesture.
    Lisa was ready to tell him that he was crazy that was until she noticed the blood running out from the corner of his mouth. Her arms crossed over her chest again, hugging herself tightly as if she was feeling a chill in the air. She started to look around the room as well, with a confused expression on her face. I knew that she was trying to figure out what was happening. I also knew that she would know what it was way before he would. It was then a shocked expression appeared on her face as she looked over at Danny.
    “It’s him, he has come back. I know it.” She said in a slightly uneasy tone.
    “What are you talking about? Who has come back?” he said.
    “Timothy. He is here with us right now. That was who hit you. And frankly you deserved it.” She replied in a sarcastic tone.
    She was right about that, he did deserve what I was giving to him, and I was not done yet. My rage burned within me, more than I had ever felt before. My fist struck him again in his chest, making him hunch forward and moan in agony. I had been so focused on Danny that I didn’t see that Lisa had raced out of the kitchen. Or even hear the sound of my daughter calling out for her mother. How I wished he could see me, to know that it was me that was his attacker. The one that was getting revenge for taking the woman I love away from me and taking my life. No longer was I worried about what would happen to my soul. All that I wanted was for him to suffer for what he had done to Lisa and to me. I had taken a step back, as if to expect him to try and strike me. Which of course was a ridiculous thought for me to have, but I wasn’t trying to think logical at that point.
    Danny’s body slowly became erect as he let out a painful moan. My arms hung to my sides, fists still clutched tightly as I waited to see what he was going to do next. He looked directly at me and within that instant a shocked expression appeared on his face. I didn’t know why he was looking that way that was until it struck me. He could see me. Somehow, I was able to let him see me, just like I was able to hit him.
    “It can’t be you! You’re dead! You’re dead!” he said in a horrified tone.
    I didn’t say anything in response, only lifted my arm up and pointed at him. My face showing the rage which I was coursing through me, which scared him. Of course seeing me standing there also was something that terrified him as well. I wanted to tell him that I knew what he did and that he was not going to get away with it. But all that I could do was to stand there staring at him, continuing to point at him as I started to move toward him. Danny backed up, not even looking where he was going. Because of it he tripped over something, sending his body falling backwards, hitting his head on the corner of the wall. Hearing a loud, hollow thump as his head slid down the wall, leaving a trail of his blood on it. His eyes stayed opened in such terror as his body hit the floor.
    “You deserve what you got you bastard. Now you have to face your own sins.” I muttered.
    It was then I saw him rise up from the floor, his spirit that was, as his hand touched the side of his head and looked around him. When he saw me, he took a step back as his free hand raised up in front of him.
    “Stay away from me. You are dead; you are not supposed to be here.” He said in a panicked tone.
    “Well, now you are dead too.”
    “I can’t be. I just hit my head that’s all. I am probably having a concussion that is why I am seeing you right now. You are not real. You can’t be.” He said.
    Normally, I would have tried to find a more delicate way of breaking bad news to someone. But right now, I really didn’t care about it. What he had done to me and to Lisa was unforgivable and there was no way that I was going to worry about his feelings. For in my mind, he really didn’t have any feelings.
    “If that is the case, then how do you explain that?”
    I pointed down to his bleeding corpse, knowing that his eyes would follow to where I was pointing. When he looked at his body lying there, he shook in fear as his eyes widened and mouth opened. It was exactly the type of reaction that I had expected from him. For I would have the same if I had been able to see my body lying there dead. Then he looked back at me, with a confused expression on his face. As if he expected me to have some answer to whatever question was stick in his mind.
    “What am I suppose to do now? Why did you have to kill me? Why?” he said in a tone that made it seem as if he was ready to cry.
    “I could ask you the same question. You had no right to take my life, to take away the woman I love, and deny me the chance to see my daughter being born.”
    “I was jealous, is that what you want to hear? I was jealous of you. I had known Lisa practically all my life and she never thought of me as anything more than just some friend to hang out with. But I thought that in time that would change. That was until she met you and fell head over heels in love with you. How do you think I felt about it? I wanted her to be with me. But no, she went for you and ignored every other man, because she was in love with you.” He said.
    I really didn’t care what explanation he would give me, because there was nothing that he could say that would justify what he had done to me. As he continued to rant about the jealousy that he had, the shadows that I had noticed before, closed in on him. By the time he had noticed them, it was already too late. The shadows instantly engulfed him, as I heard him scream and the sound of something snarling and growling that came from within it. I could hear him screaming for me to help him, but there was no way that I was going to. For this was his fate, something that he had to face and I was not going to let him pull me into whatever hell waited for him. His screams were suddenly silenced and then the shadows faded away.
    I turned and made my way out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Not really sure where I was going, and yet I did in a way. I know that sounds odd to hear me say that, but I did. It was as if I could feel where Lisa was. I had to go to her, to see her one more time. For I had no idea if I would fade away now that the truth had been revealed to me and I had made things right. All that I wanted was to see her one last time and for her to see me too. Not to mention to see my daughter for the first time. Even if I were never to see her again, I would be able to exist in whatever eternal realm I ended up in. As I made my way down the hallway, I could hear the sound of whispers coming from a room at the end of it. Even though the length of the hallway was not that long, it seemed to take me forever to get to the room. As if something was trying to keep me from reaching the place that I was determined to get to.
    When I finally did, I stood by the half opened door, hearing the voice of a little girl on the other side. Just to hear that voice brought about such a wonderful feeling rushing through me, as well as sorrow that I would never be able to be there for her.
    “Mommy, why was daddy yelling?” the little girl asked in such an innocent voice.
    “Emily, Danny is not your father. He is just a friend that I let stay here. But you will not have to worry about him any more. He is leaving and we will never see him again.” Lisa said in a kind voice.
    “If he is not my daddy, then where is my daddy?” she asked.
    I had to admit for a girl her age she seemed to be smart as well as intelligent. Something which she got from her mother that I knew for sure, for Lisa had always been smart as well as curious about things around her, especially when they didn’t seem right to her. I wondered if she would tell Emily the truth about me. About the fact that I had been murdered by mommy supposedly friend? I figured Emily would be about two now, not the right age to really explain the truth about something like that to her. But she had to tell her something, just to satisfy her curiosity.
    “Your daddy is in heaven, sweetheart. He had been taken away from us before you were born. But I know that he is watching you right now and is so proud that he is your daddy.” Lisa explained.
    I should have just left it at that, instead of doing what I did next. But something inside of me made me walk into the room. In a way I thought that they wouldn’t see me. That I would be invisible to them, like I had been to Lisa a moment ago. I saw Lisa sitting on the edge of the bed, with Emily in her lap. A beautiful two year old girl with long amber hair that were done up in pigtails. Emily looked in my direction as her little finger pointed toward me. Her face showed such an innocent look on her face, so curious of whom I was.
    “Who is that mommy?” she asked.
    When Lisa looked in the direction of where she was pointing, she almost had the look that she expected to see me standing there. I could see a tear running down her cheek as she smiled at me so lovingly. The same smile that she had always given me so many times before when I was alive. I didn’t say anything at first just stood there looking at them. Looking at my loving family that I would never be able to really embrace. I wanted to tell her that I loved her that I wished that I my life hadn’t been taken away like it had. But the words didn’t seem to be uttered from my lips. I could feel my tears running down my cheeks, cold and salty. Yes, even ghosts can cry. Something that is not really told by those who say that they are experts on the paranormal. But it is true.
    “It’s your daddy. He came from heaven to see you sweetie.” Lisa said almost bursting into tears.
    “Are you really my daddy?” Emily asked looking at me with a slight smile on her lips.
    “Yes, yes I am. And I love you so much. I wish that I could be able to hold you. I want you to always remember that I love you and your mommy more than anything. And that I will always be watching out for you.”
    “I love you daddy. I don’t want you to go away. I want you to stay here with me and mommy.” Emily said in a sad tone.
    Just hearing her say that broke my heart, as I tried to find the words to say to her. But how are you suppose to explain to a two year old that you are a ghost and that you can’t be there the way they want you to be? I made my way toward them, my eyes at first staying on Emily and then looking at Lisa. How I wished that there would be a way for me to come back and be alive again. To give Emily the father that she needed and to give Lisa the loving husband that I had promised her I would be.
    “Timothy, I can’t believe I am seeing you. I want you to know that I didn’t do anything with Danny. He forced himself on me, and the only reason that he was living here was to help me keep the house.” Lisa said crying.
    “I know the truth. You have nothing to be afraid of. I was standing there in the kitchen when he admitted to what he had done. Hearing what you said and how you really felt about him. I love you Lisa. I said that I would love you for all eternity, and now I am proving it. I am so proud that we have such a beautiful daughter who looks just like you. I will always be in your heart.”
    “I love you Timothy. God, I wish that you could hold me in your arms like you used too. This is not fair, losing the only man that I could ever love.” Lisa said.
    I smiled as my eyes looked down at Emily who was looking up at me with such amazement. Just like the way that a child would look when they would see Santa or be at an amusement park for the first time. I reached my hand down and gently touched the side of her face. And I was amble to feel her cheek, as a tear ran down her cheek. I knew that she didn’t understand what had happened to me, because she was too young. And I couldn’t even begin to explain to her in a way that she would understand.
    “Emily, you have to make me a promise. Promise me that as you get older that you will look out for mommy. To help her in any way that you can. Even though I am going to be with you, you might not be able to see me. But I am going to be there watching over both of you. You have to help me by keeping this promise. Can you do that for me?”
    Her little face lit up with such excitement, knowing that she had a responsibility that I was giving her. Emily didn’t say anything in response, just shook her head to tell me that she understood. Then I looked at Lisa, the mixture of sorrow and love on her face was clearly evident. But even with her looking like that she was still beautiful to me. She always had been and I know she always will be. How I wanted to kiss her, for I knew that was something that she wanted as well. Without even thinking I leaned forward towards her and our lips met for what would be the last kiss that we would ever feel again. I can still remember it. The way her warm lips felt on me, as my hand touched the side of her face. I could feel her body shivering in sorrow, and there was nothing that I could do to ease the pain she was feeling. When I pulled away from her, she looked at me, that same sparkle of love glimmering in her green eyes. She didn’t have to say a word, for I knew without her even speaking.
    “I love you Timothy. There is never going to be anyone who will ever touch my heart the way that you have. I don’t think I will ever fall in love again.” She said in a soft voice.
    “I will always be around you my love. You are my angel, my one true love. And I will watch over you, for all eternity. You will know that I am around, because you will be able to feel me, even though you might not be able to see me.”
    “I guess we are going to lose the house. But if we do, it won’t matter, as long as I know that you are with me always.” She said.
    “You are not going to lose the house. Go into the bedroom and look in the back of the walk-in closet. There is a safe there that I kept hidden, in case we were ever robbed. You will find something that will surprise you. It is in your name now, so that you will not have to worry about anything ever again.”
    She had done what I had told her and found the safe. I had told her what the combination was and when she opened it, she found two bank accounts that to this day had a total of seven hundred thousand dollars in it and a portfolio with stocks that had done extremely well in the market, thanks to a friend on the exchange who advised me what to do. There was also my will, stating that if anything were to happen to me that everything would be put in her name. I was going to tell her about it, but Danny had stopped that from happening. But that didn’t matter now, for I knew that she would be taken care of no matter what.
    You are probably wondering what had happened to me? No, I didn’t cross over, even though I could have. I stayed with my family, even though I was only a ghost. I kept my promise that I made to them, that I would be there watching over them. It was difficult, watching Emily grow up without me there in the flesh to help her through the times that she had. As for Lisa, she kept her promise too. She never married anyone. Tried to date a few times, which I figured would happen. Knowing that she would need some companionship that she could actually see, touch and feel. But each man that she had dated never got to the point of being serious, or even physical. Because she knew that her heart still was for me and always would be. It hurt me to see her do that, but I couldn’t go against her will. It was a choice that she made and I respected her for that. All that I could do was to wait for the day when her time would come and she would cross over. Then we would be together again, able to share the love we had for each other for all eternity. Till then, I will continue to watch over them and wait for my love to join me in our own spiritual paradise.