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A little sneaky peek of a new genre of writng for me.

1
Prelude

    Animalia is a world created from the explosion of a new moon that orbited the plant Earth, it was masked by Earth’s visible moon therefore never seen by humans. Same size and density as the regular moon but with one significant difference it was similar to Earth having land masses and water. Instead of humans and animals this new planet was inhabited solely by animals. However they had evolved to the point that they now imitated human characteristics, such as, wearing clothes, speaking their adopted native tongue, English and standing on their hind legs, unless running.


The planet, from space had an eerie resemblance of a cat’s head, its ears being the two highest mountains. The eyes were two huge lakes, almost ocean sized. At the southern part of the plant was a cave with stalagmites and stalactites, interpreted as the planets teeth.

Split into three main zones – Northern, Central and Southern with each zone an elected leader and together the three ran the planet. Northern was run by a Cat, Central a Rhino and Southern by a Bear. They often had arguments at their bi-annual summits held at the cave of good hope in the Central region, but would come to an amicable resolve.

They picked that particular area to avoid unwanted press coverage as the Falcon express airway could get them their without any hindrance, having no roads to travel to that location this was the best way. The planet had been established a mere three hundred and thirty seven years when we pick up our story.         


   In the Northern zone Tara Katus was beginning her eighth year, young in a cat’s life, all the same she was highly intelligent and worldly wise. A tortoise-shell breed with a vicious temperament when pushed too far she was not a typical feline.

Tara had had enough of the police not solving crimes that appeared to be very simple and straightforward. She therefore decided that she would open the very first cat detective agency. The keen sense of curiosity was a natural trait for a feline and with a good nose it was a simple decision. Unable to perform the abundance of tasks single pawed, she recruited her best pal, Clarissa, a vibrant, intelligent Calico with a penchant for numbers and a nose for fraud.

The location for their office was in a building that was once a printing company that moved to bigger premises. Now converted into twenty self contained offices complete with the latest technology and in a central location it made sense to operate from here.

TK and Clarissa occupied a unit, as they were known, on the fifth floor and being at the end of the corridor they had a little more room to move. Unlike the two previous units they viewed were, as Clarissa commented, ‘You couldn’t swing a mouse round in here’.
TK had been known for her inquisitive nature and was encouraged by friends to set up in business.

They all put the word was out that a private detective agency was set up, the office was barely organised when the phone rang, it was Lady Pricilla’s house maid with an interesting case for them.

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Replies to This Discussion

The story sounds cute and it looks like it was a lot of fun to write. However, the world, it's appearance from space, even it's location to earth are totally irrelevant to the story, that is unless you have some Earth astronaut discover the place as he's orbiting the moon. Also, a world small enough to be hidden by the moon and yet orbit the Earth would be too small to sustain any life. In my opinion you should leave all this information out. It's quite alright to have your world just somewhere else.

Using the zones on your world, you have automatically created a world ripe for a trilogy. This already has the makings for an awesome and popular YA work. Good luck with it.

Many thanks for your critique Anna, I really appreciate it. Its very rare these days to get an unbiased opinion on my writing. With regards to the 'apperance from space' comment I was looking to show this from a narrators point of view or third person omniscient I don't know whether that came across in the text. Don't get me wrong I appreciate your interpretation of the story.

Once the next chapter is ready I would appreciate your comments on the structure.

Again, many thanks :))

You can count on it. I know how valuable an honest opinion can be.

I'm a fan of development editing. All through your prelude I thought it too long.(My opinion). I looked for the 'Hook' and it wasn't there. Next the conflict. Why should the reader care about the character? Money? Greed? Self-preservation? Fear of life? Fear of safety/life of another? Revenge? Introduce the conflict soon after the 'hook.' Nothing starts to warm up until near the end of the prelude.Suggestion start with two characters and bounce the ideas/content off each other  within their edgy dialogue. Don't lead the reader by the hand and explain 'things' too easily. make the reader work and equally make him/her want to know more. That is the point when they'll be eager to turn pages.

Best of luck with your writing

Cleveland

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