Authors, Writers, Publishers, and Book Readers

The Keeper

I know this one is long but I would love some feedback. It's for my new book called "Freedom's Cost is Heroes Lost"

The Keeper

     I was at Arlington not too long ago
       I had come to pay respect
       There I met a graveyard keeper
            A gentleman I won’t forget
          He was pulling weeds out in the sun
And he whistled as he toiled
At every grave he’d pull the weeds
Then he’d stop and mend the soil
He’d smooth it out and pat it down
With such tender loving care
Then he’d wipe the moisture from his eyes
And at each grave say a prayer
The other workers in the graveyard were all resting
Within the welcome shade of towering trees
But that keeper kept on toiling in the hot sun
Whistling while he worked on bended knees
I felt compelled to pry into his business
To uncover what it was that gave him zest
My suspicious mind contrived by this world’s evil
Was sure to find his motives wronged at best
His face and arms were dark like good rich coffee
His hair was black as coal with specks of gray
An immigrant my evil mind contorted
I imagined lies within the words he’d say
So I asked him what it was that kept him smiling
Why he labored long and hard there in the sun
Those notions preconceived inside this noggin
As he spoke would quickly find their way undone
His broken English seemed to keep me captivated
His love of country had me hung on every word
His conviction for his job was filled with passion
More allegiance to this land I’ve never heard
He spoke of things that I have long forgotten
And of things I take for granted in my life
Gifts bestowed upon the greatest nation
Like freedom for my children and my wife
As the keeper worked he talked and so I listened
From an Immigrant I learned about myself
How blessed I was to call myself a free man
For freedom truly is the greatest wealth
He talked about his journey and its peril
How every roadblock in his life was now worthwhile
He worried about the family left in his homeland
But his dream for their bright future made him smile
In his country no one there has tasted freedom
So he braved the ocean blue to find his own
And that lady in the harbor held a torch out
And welcomed this poor soul to his new home
He spoke of soldiers buried with compassion
As tears of gratitude filled up his eyes
He said he’s proud and honored to be a keeper
And tend the hallowed ground where heroes lie
Someday soon he’ll send off for his wife and children
And bring them to this land where freedom reigns
Where they’ll bask in all the glory set before them
And leave behind the poverty and pain
And he can worship the one that we call Jesus
He couldn’t do that in the land where he came from
And he can speak what’s on his mind without the worry
That someone will come cut away his tongue
He asked me then if I might be a soldier
I said I was but, many years ago
He said then he must thank me for his freedom
And show his appreciation before I go
He asked if I’d walk with him to his workshop
His pace direct and quick I dared not lag
He insisted that we stop and pledge allegiance
When we came across a pole that flew our flag
In his workshop was a wall covered with pictures
And letters from his wife and kids back home
In the corner of the shed a cot and bed roll
And a sign that said “My temporary home”
He said this was the place where he was staying
For every penny he was saving up for them
To bring them to the Land of Milk and Honey
And live the dream that he has planned with them
Then He handed me a leather braided necklace
And a tiny beaded cross that hung below
Then in the sweetest words of broken English
Told me of a story long ago
He said He wears a cross around his own neck
A symbol of a place called Calvary
And there he said the greatest hero ever
Was slain and hung up on a rugged tree
His blue eyes sparkled as he told the story
Of a hero slain to free us of our sins
And how he had got down on his knees in that old workshop
And dedicated his own life up to him
Then he told me he must get back to his weeding
For there are many soldier’s graves that need his care
Then again he thanked me for my years of service
And for my happiness, he said, a little prayer
I left there and I wandered through the gravestones
Made my way to the Unknown Soldiers Grave
And as I watched the guard as it was changing
I thought about the lives these soldiers saved
Then I thanked my Lord for every Soldier perished
And for every Vet that served and still alive
And I thanked the Lord I got to meet the Keeper
For he truly opened up this old boy’s eyes.

1 member likes this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Robert L. Allen on September 27, 2011 at 8:52pm

I'd use grave keeper instead of graveyard.

And (He was pulling weeds out in the sun) sounds like he is pulling weeds out of the sun.

It was had to follow. Way too wordy. Fifth line you tell he was pulling weeds and the eleventh line you tell again he is pulling weeds. (Not needed).

The imagery is great. Make sure to have each line flow into the next. I would tighten it up. But nice piece.

Permalink Reply by Stacy Eaton on September 28, 2011 at 2:33pm

Daniel -

I'm not one to give feeback on how to write these kinds of things - but I did want to thank you. Thank you for your words there and thank you for the meaning behind them... I am a former Navy wife, and my son is a fourth generation Navy serviceman at this time.

I appreciate your sentiment in this - and the meaning that is behind it.

Permalink Reply by daniel Taylor on September 29, 2011 at 2:56pm

Stacy

Thank you for your kind words and God bless your family for its service. One of my biggest pet peeves is that we as a country don't appreciate the sacrifices that our military and there families give. I know that I enjoy the freedoms that I have because of the unselfish men and women of the military. And I know there are sacrifices on the homefront too. This is the reason for my next book, too help make people aware that we are a blessed Nation because of our military men and women and their families. The proceeds are going to go to the VFW National Home for Children. It is a great place with an awesome mission, but it is run solely on donations. You must be very proud of your son and miss him also. Thank you again for you and your families sacrifice and thank you for my freedoms. Daniel Taylor
Stacy Eaton said:

Daniel -

I'm not one to give feeback on how to write these kinds of things - but I did want to thank you. Thank you for your words there and thank you for the meaning behind them... I am a former Navy wife, and my son is a fourth generation Navy serviceman at this time.

I appreciate your sentiment in this - and the meaning that is behind it.

Permalink Reply by daniel Taylor on September 29, 2011 at 3:02pm

Robert, Thank you for your honest comments, I will take them to heart. I know my peices are long but I find it hard to shorten them up because of the meaning I am trying to get across to the reader, but I will work on it. Thanks again. Daniel Taylor

Robert L. Allen said:

I'd use grave keeper instead of graveyard.

And (He was pulling weeds out in the sun) sounds like he is pulling weeds out of the sun.

It was had to follow. Way too wordy. Fifth line you tell he was pulling weeds and the eleventh line you tell again he is pulling weeds. (Not needed).

The imagery is great. Make sure to have each line flow into the next. I would tighten it up. But nice piece.

Permalink Reply by Stacy Eaton on September 30, 2011 at 1:47pm

Daniel - how wonderful that you are going to work towards that goal of helping the VFW! that is awesome. I appreciate your comments - I was very proud to be a navy wife - and even though I don't particularly like my x-husband, I am very proud of him for what he has accomplished in his 24 years of service. I am very proud of my son.

Many People ask me if I am afraid of him being gone. Or if I would be afraid of him being put on the front line for war. Of course I would - but I wouldn't stress on it - they are trained to do what they do. They made a commitment to do what they do - they protect people and the borders of our country and others. It's not any different then what my husband and I do in law enforcement - except we are on a much smaller scale and we go home at night. If we worried about him everyday - we woudl ahve to worry about everything everyday - and not trust that he is trained to do what needs to be done, like all the men and woman of the services.

I sincerely enjoyed your poem! Thank you!

daniel Taylor said:

Stacy

Thank you for your kind words and God bless your family for its service. One of my biggest pet peeves is that we as a country don't appreciate the sacrifices that our military and there families give. I know that I enjoy the freedoms that I have because of the unselfish men and women of the military. And I know there are sacrifices on the homefront too. This is the reason for my next book, too help make people aware that we are a blessed Nation because of our military men and women and their families. The proceeds are going to go to the VFW National Home for Children. It is a great place with an awesome mission, but it is run solely on donations. You must be very proud of your son and miss him also. Thank you again for you and your families sacrifice and thank you for my freedoms. Daniel Taylor
Stacy Eaton said:

Daniel -

I'm not one to give feeback on how to write these kinds of things - but I did want to thank you. Thank you for your words there and thank you for the meaning behind them... I am a former Navy wife, and my son is a fourth generation Navy serviceman at this time.

I appreciate your sentiment in this - and the meaning that is behind it.

Permalink Reply by Michael C Bliss on October 1, 2011 at 10:12pm

Hey Dan this is Michael your newest and bightest student. I feel your passion in your words for the cause of soldiers lost. I wonder if the pain is from their loss or the senslessness of war in general? My passion is for God's kingdom in which many pray for at Math. 6:9,!0 in which war will no longer be necessary. Hope to see more. Keep it up.

Permalink Reply by Birgitta Abimbola Heikka on October 8, 2011 at 1:53am

The graveyard keeper seems like a saint. I did enjoy reading your poem (even though it was long). I think it's a nice piece. Just a few editing to make it perfect (take it with a grain of salt).

Line 13: "The other workers in the graveyard ..." I'll just say "The other workers ..." since we already know they are working in the graveyard. Just a thought, you don't have to change it.

In one line you had "soldier's graves," should be "soldiers' graves."

Also, on another line you wrote "He'll send off for his wife and children." You might want to take off the "off" and just have it as "He'll send for his wife and children."

It's a good poem and I think it goes well with the project you have in mind.

RSS